MODERN  WOMAN 

AND  HOW  TO 
Si   MANAGE  HER  ^ 


WALTER  M.  OALLICIIAN 


_X- 


MODERN 
WOMAN 
AND  HOW  TO 
MANAGE  HER 


«  OF  G*UF.  L8S&ARY.  LOi 


MODERN  WOMAN 

AND 
HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER 


By  WALTER    M.    GALLICHAN 


NEW  YORK 
JOHN    LANE    COMPANY 

MCMX 


CONTENTS 
CHAPTER  I. 

AN  AGE  LONG  CONFLICT. 

The  Sexes  at  Variance — In  Savage  Tribes — Love 
and  Hate  co-existent — Love  and  the  Desire  to 
Inflict  Pain — Why  Women  Torture  their  Lovers 
— Are  Women  Gentle? 

CHAPTER  II. 

THE   WARFARE  TO-DAY. 

The  Eternal  Misunderstanding  Between  the  Sexes — 
The  Accusation  by  Women  of  Men's  Selfishness 
— Woman  as  a  "  Tormenting  Joy  " — Woman's 
Emotionality  and  its  Spurious  Outlets — Woman 
and  Religion — Woman  and  Art — Nervous 
Fatigue  in  Modern  Woman — Why  Women 
"  Nag  " — The  Tyranny  of  Woman. 

CHAPTER  III. 

THE  DUEL  IN  LOVE. 

Falling  in  Love — Its  Effect  upon  Men — Its  Influence 
upon  Women — The  Differences  between  the 
Love  of  Men  and  Women — Engagement — Why 
Women  like  Long  Engagements — Why  Long 
Engagements  are  often  Fatal — Love  as  a  Fine 
Art — The  Conflict  of  Lovers — Man-hating 
Women,  Real  and  Professed — Militant  Spinsters 
— Men  who  fear  Women. 

CHAPTER  IV. 

THE  WAR   IN  WEDLOCK. 

Ideal  Marriage — Marriage  as  it  often  is — Why  Con- 
jugality is  Frequently  a  State  of  Warfare— The 

2129779 


CONTENTS 

Modern  Woman's  View  of  Wedlock — The  Pro- 
found Ignorance  of  Husbands — The  Profound 
Ignorance  of  Wives — The  Rift  in  the  Lute — 
Can  it  be  Mended? — Marriage  To-day  and  in 
the  Future — Is  the  Free  Union  a  greater  suc- 
cess than  Marriage? 

CHAPTER  V. 

THE  FEUD  IN  THE  FAMILY. 

Brothers  and  Sister — The  Clash  Between  Them — 
The  Quarrels  of  Parents  Concerning  the  Train- 
ing of  Children — The  Revolt  of  the  Daughters 
— The  British  Father — The  Type  Described — 
The  British  Matron  Described — The  Advanced 
Daughter — The  Escape  from  Home  Life — 
Women  in  Clubs. 

CHAPTER  VI. 

THE  STRIFE    OF  BREADWINNING. 

Women  in  the  Professions  and  Trades — Their  Posi- 
tion— The  Rivalry  with  Men — Is  Woman  fit  to 
Work? — Moral  Effects  of  Woman's  Labour — 
The  "  Social  Evil." 

CHAPTER  VII. 

THE  BATTLE   IN  POLITICS. 

The  Dreaded  Rule  of  Women — Intellectual  Women 
— The  Struggle  for  Freedom — The  Woman's 
Suffrage  Crusade  and  its  Lessons — Men's  Hos- 
tility— Portents  of  the  Sex  War. 

CHAPTER  VIII. 

CAN   THERE  BE   PEACE? 

A  Plea  for  a  Freer  Association  of  the  Sexes — 
Feminine  Perversity — Sex  War  as  a  Cause  of 
Social  Dissolution — Supremacy  or  Equality  ? — 
Possibility  of  Peace. 


MODERN   WOMAN 

AND 

HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER 

CHAPTER    I. 

AN    AGE-LONG    CONFLICT. 

THERE  has  been  no  period  of  human  history 
when  the  sons  of  men  have  proved  invulnerable 
to  the  charms  and  arts  of  the  daughters  of  men. 
The  poems  of  the  most  primitive  singers  pro- 
claim the  attraction  and  the  grace  of  Woman, 
and  in  all  ages  poets  have  acclaimed  love  with 
ecstacy  and  passion.  Among  the  Western 
nations  Woman  has  been  beatified,  exalted, 
even  deified.  In  the  East  she  has  stood  as  the 
type  of  ravishing  beauty,  as  the  voluptuous 
charmer  of  Man,  and  the  reward  for  his  valour 
or  virtue. 

Not  only  among  the  Eastern  races  has  Woman 
been  regarded  as  the  greatest  meed  that  Man 
can  win.  "  A  crowd  of  beautiful  virgins,"  it  is 
written  in  the  Edda,  "  wait  the  heroes  in  the 
Hall  of  Odin,  and  fill  their  cups  as  fast  as  they 
empty  them." 


2  MODERN    WOMAN 

In  the  Age  of  Chivalry  rhapsody  upon 
Woman  approached  mania.  Petrarch  and  Dante 
were  love-dazed,  obsessed  by  an  illusion  of 
Woman.  Bernard  de  Ventadour  was  willing 
to  relinquish  heaven  if  debarred  from  seeing  his 
mistress  before  the  throne  of  God.  The  Roman- 
ticists raved  about  the  beauty,  the  wit,  and  the 
virtue  of  an  ideal  being,  whom  they  almost 
deified,  placed  on  a  pedestal,  and  adored  as 
Woman. 

These  extravagant  eulogies  and  glowing  flat- 
teries might  lead  us  to  believe  that  the  adoration 
of  Woman,  and  the  privileges  accorded  to  her, 
entirely  overruled  the  antagonism  of  the  sexes. 
There  is,  however,  abundant  proof  that,  in  the 
very  height  of  this  craze  of  Woman  Worship, 
men  feared  women,  personified  them  as  evil,  and 
even  hated  and  despised  them. 

Renan  wittily  remarked  that  the  Church  raised 
woman  into  "  the  fascination  of  a  sin."  While 
Dante  broke  into  rapture  and  ecstasy  at  the 
purely  ideal  conception  of  a  maiden,  who  would 
probably  have  thought  him  a  lunatic  had  he 
spoken  to  her,  the  Church  was  teaching  her 
children  that — 

Fierce  is  the  dragon  and  cunning  the  asp, 
But  woman  has  the  malice  of  both. 

Tertullian  called  woman  "  the  devil's  gate  " ; 


AND   HOW  TO   MANAGE  HER        3 

St.  Augustine  asked  why  women  were  born  at 
all,  and  warned  young  men  to  beware  of  the 
Eve  in  every  woman.  St.  Jerome  described 
woman  as  "  the  root  of  all  evil " ;  and  Luther, 
although  he  swept  away  the  preposterous  doc- 
trine that  celibacy  is  one  of  the  highest  moral 
virtues,  advocated  the  withholding  of  culture 
from  women  on  the  ground  that  "  no  gown  worse 
becomes  a  woman  than  the  desire  to  be  wise." 
Under  a  statute  of  Henry  VIII.  "women  and 
others  of  low  condition  "  were  forbidden  to  read 
the  Scriptures. 

I  could  fill  this  chapter  with  quotations  from 
the  Fathers,  showing  how  deep  was  the  distrust 
and  the  misunderstanding  of  woman  during 
the  period  when  minstrels  and  poets  sang 
inflated  paeans  to  the  beauty  and  purity  of  their 
mistresses.  Many  of  these  pious  passages  are, 
to  say  the  least,  written  in  unseemly  language; 
they  are  all  characterised  by  a  spirit  of  contempt 
or  disgust  for  women. 

Women,  in  their  turn,  were  either  openly  or 
secretly  at  war  with  men.  The  wiser  among 
women  discerned  the  true  import  of  all  this 
adulation;  They  knew  that  the  angel  of  to-day 
was  often  the  demon  of  to-morrow;  and  that 
men  ceased  to  praise  them  when  they  set  them- 
selves in  conflict  with  male  egoism.  Many  a 


4  MODERN    WOMAN 

queen  of  chivalry  knew  that  her  lord  was  a  poor 
fool.  Women  issued  no  authoritative  and 
official  denunciation  of  men,  like  that  of  the 
ecclesiastic  writers  concerning  women;  but  then, 
as  to-day,  they  talked  among  themselves  of  the 
stupidity,  selfishness,  and  tyranny  of  their 
spouses,  and  cultivated  the  arts  of  cunning  and 
strategy,  which  are  ever  the  weapons  of  the 
enslaved. 

The  normal  antagonism  of  women  towards 
men  was  heightened  by  the  attitude  of  men. 
If  a  woman  exhibited  greater  intelligence  than 
the  masculine  clodpates  of  her  community,  she 
was  exposed  to  a  charge  of  witchcraft. 

Now,  the  Teutons  honoured  their  "  wise 
women,"  who  were  no  doubt  the  forerunners 
of  witches;  but  the  wise  woman  at  a  later  period 
was  attributed  with  malign  power,  and  regarded 
as  a  menace  to  her  neighbours.  Thousands  of 
innocent  women  were  tortured  during  those 
Middle  Ages  that  certain  writers  of  belles  lettres 
affect  to  admire  as  a  romantic  golden  era.  The 
proportion  of  witches  vastly  outnumbers  the 
number  of  wizards  who  were  persecuted. 

But  what  need  to  speak  of  the  Middle  Ages  ? 
Under  the  Common  Law  of  England,  in  Boston, 
about  the  year  1 850,  women  were  not "  persons  " 
or  "  citizens,"  and  their  husbands  could  beat 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER        5 

them  "  with  a  stick  no  bigger  than  his  thumb." 
Women  had  no  personal  rights,  no  ownership 
in  the  clothes  that  they  wore,  and  no  claim  to 
the  money  that  they  earned.  What  a  glorious 
era  for  the  domestic  Satrap ! 

The  instinctive  impulse  of  woman  to  tease, 
torment,  and  revenge  herself  upon  her  owner, 
Man,  was  fostered  by  such  means  as  these.  I 
describe  this  impulse  as  fundamental,  because 
it  is  a  phase  of  love,  the  strongest  passion  known 
to  humanity.  But  it  has  developed  into  a 
systematic  warfare,  and  is  now  a  policy  and  a 
method  rather  than  a  primitive  impulsion. 

There  are  two  universal  theories  concerning 
women:  (i)  That  she  is  gentle,  and  (2)  That 
she  is  cruel.  How  have  these  conflicting  views 
arisen?  Why  do  men  when  in  grief  or  diffi- 
culties so  often  seek  the  sympathy  and  the 
advice  of  women?  Why,  on  the  other  hand, 
do  men  declare  that  women  are  capable  of 
incredible  cruelty?  Let  us  attempt  to  explain 
this  enigma. 

In  those  countries  where  marriage  by  capture 
still  survives,  we  shall  find  instructive  evidence  of 
that  form  of  the  antagonism  of  the  sexes  which 
is  inseparable  from  the  great  business  of  love- 
making.  In  New  Zealand,  not  long  ago,  a 
Maori  wooer,  with  the  consent  of  the  girl's 


6  MODERN    WOMAN 

parents,  employed  force  in  winning  his  bride. 
He  seized  the  maiden  and  bore  her  away, 
struggling,  biting,  kicking.  Maori  girls  are 
almost  as  physically  strong  as  men,  and  it  was 
often  a  wrestling  match  of  fairly  equal  com- 
batants. We  read  that  it  was  sometimes  "the 
work  of  hours  "  before  the  captor  could  carry 
the  resisting  maiden  a  hundred  yards.  Thus 
love  begins  among  the  Maoris,  as  among  other 
and  more  advanced  races,  with  actual  cruelty, 
strife,  and  pain. 

A  Bedouin  virgin  makes  a  show  of  resistance 
to  her  lover  by  pelting  him  with  stones,  which 
often  wound  the  suitor.  When  he  grapples 
with  her,  she  bites,  and  uses  her  fists  and  nails, 
even  though  she  loves  him,  and  desires  to  be 
captured.  The  European  woman  does  not,  as 
a  rule,  display  such  forms  of  physical  violence; 
but  the  elements  of  anger,  fear,  and  the  desire 
to  inflict  pain  enter  more  or  less  into  most  court- 
ships. 

In  Spain,  until  the  middle  of  the  nineteenth 
century,  women  took  pleasure  in  watching  a 
lover  flog  himself  until  the  blood  flowed;  and 
the  elaborate  system  of  courtship  still  observed 
in  that  country — which  insists  that  the  suitor 
should  wait  for  hours,  day  after  day,  beneath 
the  maiden's  window  till  she  deigns  to  smile 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER        7 

upon  him — is  a  survival  of  the  ancient  custom 
of  self-torture  as  a  means  of  winning  a  woman's 
favour. 

There  are  cases  recorded  of  women  who  find 
exquisite  satisfaction  in  the  infliction  of  both 
mental  and  physical  pain  upon  their  lovers. 
Such  manifestations  are  related  to  the  passion 
of  love,  and  have  a  very  important  biological 
significance. 

From  this  source  springs  the  female  instinct 
of  teasing,  which  is  noticeable  even  among  little 
girls  in  their  play  with  boys.  Every  man  can 
recall  boyish  experiences  of  this  kind.  From 
fourteen  up  to  "sweet  seventeen,"  and  some- 
times after  that  age,  girls  frequently  tease,  snub, 
and  vex  the  youths  of  their  acquaintance  with 
much  zest.  The  shyest  boys  are  most  exposed 
to  these  lacerating  snubs.  No  man  dare  be  as 
rude  as  a  woman.  Her  sex  protects  her  from 
the  retaliation  of  a  retort  discourteous.  This 
love  of  tormenting  the  opposite  sex  reaches  its 
height  in  many  young  girls  when  a  young  man 
is  deeply  in  love  with  them;  and  the  romantic 
and  ardent  types  of  youths  are  the  chief  sufferers 
from  this  form  of  feminine  bullying. 

Many  women  relate,  in  the  most  cold-blooded 
terms,  stories  of  their  conquests  over  the  affec- 
tions of  men.  Their  treatment  of  devoted 


8  MODERN    WOMAN 

suitors  is  often  cruel  in  the  extreme.  I  have 
heard  a  beautiful  woman  of  this  order  describe 
with  gusto  the  manner  in  which  she  first  en- 
couraged her  lovers,  and  then,  having  brought 
them  to  her  feet,  rejected  them  with  polite 
disdain.  The  spectacle  of  a  man  grovelling  for 
her  consent  caused  acute  pleasure. 

The  emotion  that  underlies  this  impulse  to 
tease  men,  and  to  excite  their  anger,  is  a  phase 
of  sex-antagonism,  but  it  is  very  intimately 
associated  with  sexual  feeling.  The  contempt, 
the  coldness,  and  the  cruelty  are  unconsciously 
directed  by  the  woman  towards  an  end,  and  they 
are  frequently  the  expression  of  an  amative 
nature.  In  its  milder  forms,  unkindness  to  a 
lover  is  a  very  common  trait  among  women. 
It  is  often  employed  to  stimulate  ardour  and  to 
test  a  man's  devotion.  Women  who,  in  love, 
first  blow  hot  and  then  cold  by  turn  are  obeying 
a  primitive  instinct,  which  has  played  an  impor- 
tant part  in  the  relationship  of  the  sexes.  When 
a  woman  comes  an  hour  late  to  the  tryst  with 
her  lover,  and  receives  him  with  coolness, 
though  on  the  previous  occasion  she  may  have 
met  him  with  fervour,  she  is  acting  with  design 
and  aforethought.  Among  animals  and  savages 
this  show  of  indifference  is  marked,  and  some- 
times highly  exaggerated.  With  civilised 


women  the  tactic  is  subtle  and  complex,  and 
often  not  purely  conscious.  In  the  highest 
types  of  cultured  women,  the  impulse  shrinks 
almost  to  the  vanishing  point.  The  thoughtful 
woman,  who  is  as  frank  about  her  passions  as 
she  is  concerning  her  intellectual  opinions,  has 
no  use  for  this  artifice,  and  she  condemns  it  as 
a  device  that  no  longer  appeals  to  the  best  types 
of  men. 

Perfect — that  is  to  say,  passionate — love  is 
not  without  fear  on  the  woman's  side.  Fear  is 
a  stimulant,  like  pain  in  certain  forms;  and  there 
are  women  who  can  only  love  men  who  are 
masterful,  with  a  trace  of  fierceness.  Evidence 
of  this  fact  is  to  be  found  in  the  very  numerous 
instances  of  women  who  are  strongly  attached 
to  harsh  and  even  brutal  men.  The  element  of 
fear,  which  is  a  part  of  modesty,  has  a  physio- 
logical use,  and  nearly  all  women  experience 
this  dread. 

When  I  allude  to  the  cruelty  of  women,  I 
do  not  mean  that  kind  of  cruelty  which  men 
and  boys  often  exhibit  in  their  treatment  of 
animals.  There  are  more  men  than  women 
among  the  lovers  of  sports  that  inflict  pain  on 
brutes.  Boys  are  often  fond  of  annoying  and 
hurting  animals,  but  this  tendency  is  somewhat 
uncommon  among  girls.  The  maternal  instinct 


io  MODERN    WOMAN 

inhibits  this  form  of  cruelty  in  women;  the 
mother-feeling  is  protective  and  pitiful  towards 
the  weak  and  helpless. 

Woman's  cruelty  vents  itself  upon  man,  and 
in  some  cases  upon  children.  Nothing  can  excel 
that  callous  and  malignant  cruelty  which  second 
wives  often  display  in  their  treatment  of  children 
by  a  first  wife.  There  are  innumerable  records 
of  beating,  burning,  and  mutilating  children, 
which  might  lead  us  to  believe  that  "  the  gentle 
sex  "  and  "  a  mother's  love  "  are  mere  poetic 
figures  of  speech. 

Are  women  gentle,  after  all?  Yes,  they  are 
normally  softer,  more  commiserative  and  sym- 
pathetic, than  men;  but  under  stress  they  are 
more  cruel  than  our  sex.  In  wars  and  revolu- 
tions women  have  shown  themselves  merciless 
and  possessed  by  a  furor  of  cruelty.  It  is  the 
women  among  savage  tribes  who  torture  and 
maim  the  wounded  in  battle.  And  civilised 
women  can  commit  frightful  outrages  during 
revolts  and  civil  wars,  when  urged  to  violence 
by  a  sense  of  injury  inflicted  upon  their  class 
or  their  sex. 

A  man  in  an  explosion  of  temper  may  be  cruel 
and  violent,  but  his  cruelty  is  usually  spon- 
taneous and  "  a  short  madness,"  as  the  ancients 
said  of  anger.  It  is  not  thoughtfully  planned 


AND  HOW>  TO   MANAGE  HER      n 

and  deliberately  carried  through.  A  woman 
who  desires  revenge  often  acts  calmly,  showing 
great  ingenuity  in  her  methods. 

A  bruise  on  the  flesh  is  nothing;  a  wound 
upon  the  sensitive  heart  is  one  of  the  most 
terrible  forms  of  torture.  I  do  not  deny  that 
men  often  wound  women  by  their  speech;  but 
they  do  not  excel,  as  a  sex,  in  the  use  of  the 
tongue  as  a  weapon.  They  are  clumsy  in  retort 
and  invective.  Many  women  are  perfect  mis- 
tresses of  mordant  sarcasm,  and  they  delight  in 
scarifying  their  victims.  Nagging  must  be 
considered  presently,  but,  in  passing,  we  may 
refer  to  it  as  a  typical  manifestation  of  feminine 
cruelty.  A  scolding  wife  is  a  scourge.  Better 
to  be  flogged  periodically  with  the  cat-o'-nine- 
tails than  to  be  whipped,  and  stung,  and  goaded 
to  fury  at  intervals  by  a  woman's  spiteful  tongue. 

But  even  a  nagging  wife  may  prove  a  bless- 
ing. She  is  a  cure  for  consumption.  In  a  village 
where  I  lived  for  a  few  years  was  a  mechanic, 
disabled  for  work  by  lung  disease.  He  was 
forced  to  spend  the  whole  day  in  the  company 
of  his  wife,  who  was  a  terrible  termagant.  The 
perpetual  nagging  and  chiding  became  unbear- 
able. At  last  the  wretched  man  made  it  his 
custom  to  go  out  and  sit  in  the  fields  whenever 
his  wife  began  to  rate  him.  And  to  this  I 


12  MODERN    WOMAN 

attribute  his  recovery  from  consumption.  It 
was  the  rest  and  open-air  remedy.  But  if  his 
wife's  tongue  had  not  driven  him  out  of  the 
house,  he  could  never  have  adopted  this  sanitary 
method.  There  is  no  evil  without  good  in  it. 
I  have  heard  of  men  being  "  nagged  to  death." 
This  man  was  nagged  to  life. 

Whether  a  gentle  woman  is  more  gentle  than 
a  gentle  man  I  have  never  been  able  to  decide. 
I  think  that  a  woman  perceives  more  quickly 
than  a  man  when  she  is  causing  irritation  or  pain. 
This  accounts  perhaps  for  her  frequent  supe- 
riority both  as  a  healer  and  as  one  who  wounds. 
She  apprehends  quickly  that  which  will  soothe 
or  irritate,  and  acts  on  either  impulse  with 
palpable  results.  If  she  wishes  to  plunge  you 
into  hell,  she  will  do  it  ruthlessly.  If  she 
desires  to  lift  you  into  the  seventh  heaven,  she 
will  raise  you  by  a  sweet  exercise  of  her  intuition 
and  gentleness.  A  woman  can  be  more  like  an 
angel  than  a  man.  She  can  also  prove  more  like 
a  fiend. 

I  hear  my  women  readers  objecting  to  this. 
Women  usually  assert  that  men  cause  more 
suffering  to  women  than  women  inflict  upon 
men.  How  can  you  tell,  dear  woman  reader? 
You  are  not  a  man;  only  a  man  can  affirm  the 
amount  of  pain  that  a  woman  causes  him.  We 


AND   HOW  TO  MANAGE   HER       13 

can  only  say  that  the  sexes  torment  one  another 
in  a  very  appalling  fashion.  And  the  appraising 
of  the  degree  of  suffering  is  a  mere  matter  of 
experience  and  comparison.  It  cannot  be  tested 
by  precise  calculations,  nor  by  means  of  an 
instrument.  Therefore,  it  must  remain  an  open 
and  debatable  point. 


CHAPTER   II. 

THE    WARFARE    TO-DAY. 

"  MEN  don't  understand  us."  How  many 
times,  my  man  reader,  have  you  heard  this 
statement  in  the  course  of  your  life?  I  have 
heard  it  reiterated  times  without  number,  and 
I  shall  continue  to  hear  it  until  I  die. 

"  Men  don't  understand  us."  I  can  visualise 
at  least  a  score  of  women,  of  different  ages  and 
of  varying  degrees  of  charm,  uttering  this 
formula  in  diverse  tones,  from  the  tenderly 
pathetic  to  the  fiercely  combative. 

No,  we  do  not  understand  woman,  nor  does 
she  understand  us,  wholly  and  rightly.  Men 
undoubtedly  understand  women  more  than 
women  would  care  to  admit,  but  the  comprehen- 
sion is  incomplete  on  both  sides.  How  can  man 
understand  woman  when  she  admittedly  cannot 
understand  herself? 

I  propose  to  bring  up  the  chief  indictments 
of  women  against  my  sex,  and  to  weigh  the  tes- 
timony as  judicially  as  I  am  able.  I  will  then 

14 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER       15 

sift  the  evidence  of  men  against  women.  The 
foremost  accusation  directed  at  men  by  women 
is  that  they  are  Selfish.  I  give  the  adjective  a 
capital  letter  to  emphasise  it;  for  we  all  know 
how  emphatically  women  pronounce  this  word 
when  we  stand  shivering  in  the  domestic  tribunal, 
trying  to  explain  and  to  excuse  ourselves. 

"  Men  are  so  selfish  " ;  the  stress,  if  you  will 
notice,  is  generally  laid  upon  the  "  are."  I  have 
heard  this  charge  so  often  that  I  have  almost 
begun  to  doubt  its  veracity.  That  everyone  is 
selfish  is  a  good  generalisation  to  work  upon; 
that  the  male  human  being  is  more  selfish  than 
woman  is  a  rather  different  postulate. 

What  is  selfishness?  My  dictionary  defini- 
tion is :  "  The  exclusive  regard  of  a  person  to 
his  own  interest  or  happiness;  or  that  supreme 
self-love  or  self-preference  which  leads  a  person 
in  his  actions  to  direct  his  purposes  to  the 
advancement  of  his  own  interest,  power,  or 
happiness,  without  regarding  the  interest  of 
others.  Selfishness,  in  its  worst  or  unqualified 
sense,  is  the  very  essence  of  human  depravity, 
and  stands  in  direct  opposition  to  benevolence, 
which  is  the  very  essence  of  the  divine  character. 
As  God  is  love,  so  man,  in  his  natural  state,  is 
selfishness.  Selfishness :  a  vice  utterly  at 
variance  with  the  happiness  of  him  who  harbours 


16  MODERN    WOMAN 

it,  and  as  such  condemned  by  self-love." — 
Mackintosh. 

Let  us  take  breath.  If  "  man  in  his  natural 
state  is  selfishness,"  we  must  all,  men  and 
women,  alike  plead  guilty.  We  are  all  un- 
righteous; we  are  all  fools,  and  we  are  all  selfish. 
What  concerns  us  for  the  moment  is  whether 
women  are  right  in  burdening  men  with  so 
heavy  a  share  in  this  guilt  of  self-love. 

I  see  in  one  of  the  groves  or  avenues  of 
Tooting  a  middle-aged  citizen  of  the  male  sex, 
eternally  panting  to  catch  the  9.14,  which  takes 
him  each  day  to  Basinghall  Street.  I  see  him 
through  an  aeon,  seated  at  a  desk  in  a  stuffy 
office,  surrounded  by  the  driest  of  tomes  that 
go  by  the  name  of  books,  writing,  calculating, 
and  endeavouring  to  do  that  duty  to  which  Fate 
has  called  him.  Once  a  year  he  goes  to  the 
seaside  for  a  fortnight,  trifles  with  a  golf  club, 
takes  his  morning  plunge  in  the  sea,  and 
tries  to  forget  what  a  terrible  machine  he  is  when 
in  Basinghall  Street  for  the  rest  of  the  year. 
The  few  green  spots  in  the  desert  of  his  life 
could  be  counted  on  his  fingers. 

In  the  scheme  of  things  what  is  he?  The 
eternal  protector  of  the  brood,  the  house-band, 
the  guid  man,  the  paterfamilias,  the  English 
papa.  Once  he  stalked  almost  nude  in  the 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE   HER       17 

woods,  with  a  stone  axe  in  his  hand,  looking 
for  a  rival  hunter  to  brain,  or  a  beast  of  venery 
to  slay.  He  was  more  picturesque  in  those 
day,  common  one.  And  yet  we  know  well 
his  weapons  are  in  the  British  Museum,  and  a 
cheap  frock-coat  and  trousers  hide  the  natural 
man.  You  may  say  that  he  is  just  doing  his 
simple  duty.  Quite  so;  but  he  would  much 
prefer  to  play  golf,  or  to  potter  about  his  garden, 
and  might  do  so  were  it  not  for  the  desire  to 
make  his  children's  lives  easier  than  his  life 
was  in  childhood.  Instead  of  retiring  at  fifty- 
five,  which  he  could  do  if  he  stinted  his  wife 
and  daughters  in  their  dress  allowance,  he  will 
continue  to  drudge  in  the  City  until  he  is  senile 
and  worn-out. 

Now,  this  worthy  person  is  typical;  I  have 
not  selected  an  unusual  instance,  but  an  every- 
day common  one.  And  yet  we  know  well 
enough  that  he  will  not  escape  the  reproach  of 
his  women-folk  that  he  is  selfish.  Of  course  he 
is  selfish.  Is  he  not  a  man?  This  pampered 
epicure  drinks  a  bottle  of  wine  occasionally  and 
smokes  fourpenny  cigars.  He  is  also  guilty  of 
travelling  second-class  instead  of  third-class.  Is 
he  not  proved  guilty  ?  Assuredly  he  is  a  selfish 
man.  He  always  occupies  the  most  comfortable 
easy  chair  when  he  comes  home  tired  from  the 


i8  MODERN    WOMAN 

City.     What  need  have  we  to  add  to  the  list  of 
his  offences?     He  is  a  selfish  man. 

Modern  women  assure  us  that,  through  the 
selfishness  of  men,  they  are  unable  to  live  their 
own  lives.  The  man  who  pays  the  piper  calls 
the  tune,  and  women  have  to  dance  to  it.  In 
the  blissful  millennium  of  "  the  economic  free- 
dom of  women,"  which  I,  for  one  man,  hope  to 
realise,  women  will  change  all  this.  What 
living  one's  own  life  means  precisely  I  have 
never  discovered.  No  man  can  live  his  own 
life,  if  he  is  poor  or  married.  No  woman  can 
live  her  own  life,  if  she  wishes  to  set  men  an 
example  of  unselfishness. 

Let  us  take  a  few  common  instances  of  the 
alleged  inordinate  selfishness  of  men.  Edwin 
and  Angelina  have  been  married  a  year,  and  the 
question  of  the  annual  holiday  is  discussed  by 
them.  "  My  dear,"  remarks  Edwin,  "  I  would 
like  to  go  to  Bournemouth  for  our  holidays. 
There  are  good  golf  links  there." 

Angelina  looks  solemn.  She  is  silent  while 
Edwin  dilates  on  the  joys  of  Bournemouth. 
Presently  she  speaks;  her  forehead  is  ruffled,  and 
her  voice  is  curious,  distant,  and  polite,  like  that 
of  a  stranger.  Selfish  Edwin  is  astonished. 

"What,  you  don't  want  to  go  to  Bourne- 
mouth ?  " 


'9 

"  You  know  I  wanted  to  go  to  Hastings." 

"  But  I  hate  Hastings." 

"  Has  it  never  struck  you  that  I  may  hate 
Bournemouth?  'As  a  matter  of  fact,  I  have 
often  said  that  Bournemouth  is  detestable." 

Edwin  is  glum  for  several  moments. 

"  Well,  my  dear,"  he  resumes,  I'll  go  to 
Hastings  if  you  like,  but  you  know  I  shan't 
enjoy  it." 

"  Oh,  if  you  won't  enjoy  it,  for  goodness'  sake 
don't  go.  I  don't  want  to  drag  you  to  Hastings 
against  your  will.  .  .  .  I'll  go  to  Bournemouth. 
It  is  always  the  woman  who  has  to  give  in." 

Angelina  emits  a  deep,  hollow  sigh,  and  folds 
her  hands  resignedly  upon  her  lap,  looking  the 
very  picture  of  martyrdom.  Edwin  mutters, 
takes  up  the  newspaper,  and  goes  away  to  sulk. 

Yes,  I  suppose  Edwin,  in  this  case,  is  abomin- 
ably selfish.  But  how  do  you  describe  Ange- 
lina's conduct?  Her  mere  asseveration  that  it 
is  "always  the  woman  who  has  to  give  in" 
proves  that  she  is  both  inaccurate  and  selfish. 
Edwin — unless  we  must  believe  him  to  be  an 
utter  brute — very  often  "  gives  in  "  to  Angelina. 
But  she  does  not  choose  to  remember  this.  It 
would  be  treachery  to  her  principles  to  remember 
it.  Deeply  dinted  into  her  brain  is  the  im- 
pression that  men  are  selfish,  and  that  women 


20  MODERN    WOMAN 

always  give  in  to  them  in  the  long-run.  She 
must  be  faithful  to  this  feminine  creed. 

"  There  is  more  quarrelling  in  married  life 
about  whether  a  window  shall  be  open  or  shut 
than  from  any  other  cause,"  said  a  woman  to 
me.  I  think  it  is  the  minor  issues  that  cause 
the  most  friction  between  average  married  folk. 
The  conflict  of  egoisms  is  not  so  often  urged 
upon  great  causes  as  upon  comparative  trifles. 
And,  unless  both  the  man  and  his  wife  are 
capable  of  constant  compromise,  we  witness 
scenes  of  domestic  discord  and  fury.  To  "  give 
in"  gracefully  and  with  dignity  is  not  an  easy 
art  in  any  form  of  partnership.  It  is,  however, 
a  most  necessary  accomplishment. 

Another  accusation  levelled  by  women  against 
men  is  that  of  coarseness  and  sensuality.  I  do 
not  deny  that  a  large  number  of  men  are  coarse 
in  thought  and  speech.  Most  men  are  plainer 
and  ruder  than  women  in  their  conversation. 
But  if  coarseness  is  the  masculine  note,  vulgarity 
is  the  prevailing  feminine  note,  in  allusion  to 
certain  vital  subjects.  Men  jest  indecently 
about  the  physical  relationship  of  the  sexes,  and 
in  all  classes  of  society,  sex  is  a  topic  of  flippant, 
unseemly,  and  extremely  stupid  conversation. 
Women,  as  a  rule,  are  not  coarse-minded;  they 
do  not  engage  in  obscene  jokes  about  the  cor- 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      21 

poreal  aspect  of  the  love-passion,  but  many 
women  talk  of  love  with  a  rn'ixture  of  cynicism 
and  vulgarity  that  is  akin  to  grossness. 

The  coarseness  of  men  and  the  flippant  vul- 
garity of  women  in  the  discussion  of  love  are 
phenomena  of  so-called  civilised  communities, 
wherein  decent  frankness  in  sex  matters  is  in- 
hibited by  prudery.  In  those  countries  where 
religion  is  harsh,  and  the  priest  in  the  ascendant, 
blasphemy  is  a  common  offence.  Men  deride 
sacred  things,  and  take  the  name  of  the  holy 
in  vain,  whenever  religion  is  oppressive  and  a 
menace  to  the  enjoyment  of  worldly  pleasures. 
Mystery  and  taboo  surround  religions,  and  the 
same  mystery  and  prohibitory  restrictions  upon 
open  discussion  surround  the  deeply  important 
subject  of  sex. 

Human  perversity  finds  a  relief  and  pleasure 
in  jesting  upon  those  topics,  which  society  has 
set  aside  as  unmentionable  except  in  furtive 
whispers.  Hence  coarseness  in  men,  and  levity 
in  women,  in  the  everyday  allusion  to  love 
between  the  sexes,  is  a  reaction  against  an 
unnatural  and  injurious  reticence.  Impurity  of 
thought  is  common  in  both  sexes.  It  is  only 
its  expression  that  differs.  I  can  point  to  many 
men  and  women  who  are  pure  in  body,  but  I 
have  met  very  few  who  are  pure  in  thought. 


22  MODERN    WOMAN 

In  regard  to  sex  we  are  in  a  most  unwhole- 
some and  diseased  state  of  mind,  and  until  our 
minds  are  purged  from  the  twin  evils  of  prudery 
and  coarseness,  moral  reform  is  impossible  in 
that  great  field  of  thought  and  action  controlled 
by  the  sex-impulse.  We  need  to  substitute 
clean  plain-speaking  for  the  sly  whisper,  the 
foolish  veiled  allusion,  the  unclean  joke,  and 
the  indecent  snigger. 

The  sensuality  of  men  is  a  frequent  reproach. 
Here,  again,  it  is  only  a  question  of  difference 
between  the  sexes  in  the  manifestation  of  plea-, 
sure  in  the  indulgence  of  the  senses.  In  a 
highly  complex  state  of  civilisation  sensuality 
is  increased  by  constant  stimulation  and  a 
heightened  imagination.  There  is  a  false  view, 
often  advanced  by  preachers  and  writers,  that 
savages  are  exceedingly  lascivious  and  grossly 
sensual.  Savages,  living  under  healthy  primi- 
tive conditions,  are  continent,  and  even  ascetic, 
in  comparison  with  cultured  races  living  in  ease 
and  luxury.  The  amative  passions  of  the  refined 
man  or  woman  are  very  frequently  in  a  state 
of  hyperaesthesia  through  a  hundred  stimulating 
influences. 

The  love  of  women  for  dainty  food,  soft  beds, 
luxurious  and  well-warmed  rooms,  pretty 
dresses,  and  personal  ornaments  is  sensual. 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      23 

Jeremy  Taylor  gave  thanks  to  God  for  his 
sensual  pleasures,  and  if  we  are  healthy-minded 
we  shall  do  the  same.  There  is  no  cause  for 
shame  in  the  satisfaction  which  we  derive  from 
a  well-prepared  and  relishing  dinner,  a  glass  of 
wine,  or  a  cigar.  If  we  believe  in  a  beneficent 
Creator,  we  insult  His  wisdom  by  pretending 
that  the  pleasure  of  the  gustatory  sense  is  sinful 
or  unworthy.  If  we  believe  in  the  intelligence 
of  Nature,  we  should  surely  recognise  that  our 
nervous  systems  were  given  us  as  a  means  of 
recording  pleasureable  as  well  as  painful  sensa- 
tions. 

Wholesome  satisfaction  of  the  desires  of  the 
senses  is  so  commonly  confused  with  disordered 
desires  that  we  prate  about  "  sensual  pleasure  " 
as  something  abnormal  or  evil.  Women  are 
more  prone  than  men  to  talk  this  kind  of  cant. 

In  a  large  measure,  the  teaching  of  the 
Catholic  Church  is  the  source  of  this  unnatural 
recoil  against  perfectly  harmless,  and  indeed 
beneficial,  enjoyment  of  the  senses.  The  pro- 
scriptions and  penalties  have  defeated  their  ends; 
and  in  the  reaction  men  have  become  more  and 
not  less  sensual,  through  the  fanatical  teaching 
of  absolute  chastity  as  a  high  virtue. 

In  The  English  Woman,  an  instructive  book 
by  David  Staars,  a  Frenchman,  the  author  says 


24  MODERN    WOMAN 

that  women  look  upon  men  as  big  children.  I 
have  often  heard  this  comparison  of  men  with 
children  uttered  by  the  Modern  Woman.  In 
a  very  healthy  and  admirable  manner  men  are 
children.  They  retain  the  freshness,  keenness, 
and  simplicity  of  childhood  longer  than  women. 
They  have  more  hobbies  than  women;  they  play 
oftener  and  more  naturally,  and  they  are  less 
concerned  to  appear  on  their  dignity. 

A  woman  soon  ceases  to  be  youthful  because 
she  is  so  conscious  of  the  fact  that  she  is  a 
woman,  and  so  palpably  anxious  to  avoid  appear- 
ing skittish  or  ridiculous.  I  have  noted  this 
difference  between  the  sexes  when  directing  a 
company  of  village  players.  The  men  and  boys 
threw  themselves  into  a  comic  part  with  a  simple 
regard  for  acting.  The  women  and  girls  were 
afraid  that  they  might  appear  ridiculous  in  the 
eyes  of  their  friends,  and  they  were  three  times 
as  self-conscious  as  the  men  players.  They  had 
no  wish  to  be  funny;  they  wanted  to  look  pretty 
and,  at  the  same  time,  dignified.  The  explana- 
tion is  that  woman  is  condemned  to  pose;  she 
cannot  permit  herself  to  be  childish,  and  she  dare 
not  romp  after  eighteen  at  the  latest. 

In  a  man's  club  known  to  me,  I  often  see 
portly  members  of  fifty  or  sixty  romping  like 
schoolboys,  and  the  spectacle  delights  me.  It 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      25 

is  a  splendid  thing  to  retain  some  of  the  high 
spirits  of  boyhood.  Remember,  too,  that  the 
genius  is  akin  to  the  child.  You  do  not  insult 
a  man  by  calling  him  a  "  great  boy."  It  is  not 
a  mark  of  a  feeble  intelligence  to  take  pleasure 
in  simple  things.  It  is  often  the  sign  of  a  great 
mind,  and  this  may  be  easily  proved  by  collecting 
a  few  facts  upon  the  recreations  of  learned  and 
illustrious  men. 

When  we  consider  that  most  of  the  big  affairs 
of  life  are  in  the  hands  of  men,  and  that  the 
world  has  jogged  along  fairly  well,  we  need  not 
feel  affronted  when  women  declare  that  we  are 
"only  children." 

In  their  own  feminine  way,  women  are  as 
childlike  as  men.  Their  talk  is  generally  sillier 
than  ours;  they  are  full  of  puerile  conceits,  and 
they  are,  in  their  own  manner,  quite  as  frivolous 
as  their  brothers.  Go  into  the  main  streets  of 
the  West  End  of  London  upon  any  afternoon, 
and  you  will  see  crowds  of  women  of  every  age 
blocking  the  traffic  on  the  pavements,  while  they 
gaze  at  the  useless  whim-whams  and  bits  of 
ribbon  in  the  shop  windows.  Yet  if  a  man  goes 
fishing,  or  plays  games,  these  women  will  smile 
pityingly,  and  call  him  "  a  big  child." 

Irascibility  is  another  specific  failing  ascribed 
by  women  to  men.  But  men  have  not  the 


26  MODERN    WOMAN 

monopoly  of  this  characteristic;  and  I  seriously 
doubt  whether  they  are,  on  the  whole,  as  irritable 
and  prone  to  outbursts  of  ill-temper  as  women. 
Breakings-out  in  our  asylums  are  commoner  in 
the  female  than  the  male  wards.  I  can  see  very 
little  difference  between  the  bluster  of  a  choleric 
man  and  the  anger  of  a  nerve-tired,  hysterical 
woman.  In  both  cases  we  have  an  explosion, 
and  generally  the  explosion  is  more  prolonged 
in  the  case  of  the  woman,  though  it  may  be  less 
violent. 

This  brings  us  to  the  consideration  of 
feminine  nagging,  its  cause  and  nature.  The 
widespread  prevalence  of  scolding  among 
women  has  given  rise  to  many  cynical  aphorisms 
upon  a  woman's  tongue  and  the  sting  in  it. 
Our  ancestors  invented  the  brank,  or  scold's 
bridle,  an  instrument  of  penance  worn  by  con- 
tentious wives  as  a  cure  for  nagging. 

Nagging  is  a  form  of  feminine  energy. 
Woman's  tongue  is  fluent  and  glib,  and  she  is 
fond  of  employing  that  organ.  Often  she  scolds 
automatically,  as  it  were,  as  a  thrush  sings  in  a 
wet  dawn.  Most  women  tend  to  scold  unduly. 
The  working  woman  uses  the  most  dire  and 
terrible  threats  towards  her  children,  without 
any  intention  of  carrying  them  into  practice. 
It  relieves  her  feelings  to  nag  at  someone,  just 


AND   HOW  TO   MANAGE  HER      27 

as  a  sharp  storm  of  temper  and  "  a  good  swear  " 
relieves  the  irritated  man. 

Unfortunately  women  prolong  their  scold- 
ings. They  go  on  and  on  in  a  lively  torrent 
of  words,  gaining  fresh  energy  as  they  proceed. 
Nagging  women  are  not  infrequently  murdered 
by  their  husbands;  they  are  very  often  beaten. 

There  are  naggers  in  all  classes.  In  polite 
society,  a  nagging  woman  is  as  incisively  insolent 
as  her  sister  of  the  slums,  though  her  phrases 
are  more  refined.  The  cold,  educated  nagger 
is  the  worst  of  all.  The  hysterical  woman, 
sooner  or  later,  weeps  and  collapses,  or  becomes 
a  temporary  lunatic,  and  resorts  to  physical 
means  of  displaying  her  indignation. 

Nagging  is  not  wholly  a  vice.  It  is  a  phase 
of  the  maternal  instinct  of  reproof  and  dis- 
cipline. The  impulse  to  nag  must  be  regarded 
as  common  and  normal  in  women,  and  it  is  only 
when  the  nagging  is  incessant  and  excessive  that 
it  degenerates  into  a  morbid  vice.  The  best 
way  to  manage  a  nagging  woman  is  to  agree 
with  her  that  you  are  a  perfect  brute  and  wretch; 
and  then  to  laugh  at  her.  If  that  fails,  fly  from 
her  presence. 

Woman  is  more  emotional  than  man.  This 
is  shown  in  many  ways;  but  nothing  proves  it 
better  than  the  attitude  of  women  towards 


28  MODERN    WOMAN 

religion,  and  their  taste  in  the  drama  and  fiction. 
Women  are  said  to  be  more  pious  than  men. 
They  are  certainly  more  attracted  and  influenced 
than  men  by  the  emotional  element,  the  rituals 
and  the  ceremonies  of  religions.  On  the  other 
hand,  the  founders  of  creeds  are,  among  women, 
a  very  insignificant  proportion  as  compared  with 
the  founders  of  new  faiths  among  men. 

Women  are  the  strongest  supporters  of  the 
clerical  system,  and  the  best  friends  to  the  priest. 
Students  of  ecclesiastical  history  are  in  a  position 
to  state  whether  the  clergy  have  been  the  best 
friends  of  women.  From  St.  Paul  downwards, 
the  teaching  of  the  Church  has  not  tended  to 
uplift  the  status  of  women,  and  in  many  direc- 
tions that  teaching  has  very  seriously  hindered 
the  ideal  of  sex-equality  and  a  sane  association 
of  the  sexes. 

Women  are  not  attracted  by  the  more  rational 
and  ethical  forms  of  religion.  They  desire 
"  emotion  "  in  their  worship,  and  this  emotion 
is  very  closely  allied  to  the  sentiment  of  love. 
Women  cheated  of  the  chance  of  love  turn 
naturally  to  religion  as  a  solace  and  an  outlet. 
The  autobiography  of  Soeur  Jeanne  des  Anges, 
of  Loudun,  is  a  human  document  that  casts  a 
strong  light  upon  the  association  of  religious 
mysticism  and  the  emotion  of  love. 


AND  HOW  TO   MANAGE   HER      29 

In  art  it  is  highly  essential  that  the  appeal 
shall  be  made  to  women.  Woman  is  largely 
responsible  for  poor  and  meretricious  work  in 
painting,  the  drama,  poetry,  and  novels.  The 
trail  of  a  forced  sentimentality  is  over  our  art, 
and  we  are  gravely  afraid  of  the  expression  of 
real,  stirring,  and  vital  emotions.  This  is  per- 
haps more  evident  in  the  case  of  the  English 
novel — which  is  written  chiefly  for  the  amuse- 
ment of  women — than  in  other  "  works  of  art," 
so-called. 

The  "  lord  of  creation,"  man,  disports  himself 
in  a  sort  of  Fool's  Paradise.  He  imagines  that 
woman  is  his  subordinate.  In  one  sense  he  is 
not  deluded;  but  in  another  sense  he  is  a  foolish 
dupe.  The  tyranny  of  woman  is  tremendous. 
Man  can  boast  of  superior  physical  strength,  a 
wider  range  of  opportunity,  and  a  more  fair  and 
open  field  of  labour  than  fall  to  the  lot  of 
women.  To  say  this  is  to  state  all,  and  it  is  not 
so  great  and  so  advantageous  to  the  man  as  it 
appears. 

The  supremest  object  of  Nature  is  the  con- 
tinuance of  the  species.  Unconscious  of  the 
tyranny  of  woman,  man  toils  all  his  life  in 
obedience  to  Nature's  behest,  and  to  one  main 
end :  to  protect  the  mother  and  her  offspring. 
From  Nature's  point  of  view  this  is  essentially 
the  whole  duty  of  man. 


30  MODERN    WOMAN 

Men  think  that  they  are  chosen  as  husbands 
for  their  handsome  features,  their  mental  quali- 
ties, or  their  charm  of  disposition.  This  belief 
is  as  vain  as  it  is  widespread.  Most  women 
select  their  lover  with  careful  deliberation,  and 
proper  regard  to  his  capacity  as  the  faithful 
breadwinner  and  the  protector.  Only  a  few 
women  are  dominated  in  their  choice  of  a  hus- 
band by  fervid  and  romantic  passion,  the  emo- 
tion that  almost  deprives  many  men  of  reason. 
Under  an  economic  system  that  hinders  women 
from  earning  their  own  livings,  or  at  the  best 
gives  only  the  scantiest  wage,  how  can  we  expect 
the  majority  of  women  to  take  any  view  of  mar- 
riage but  the  arithmetical  or  the  businesslike? 
Custom  and  conventional  morality  deny  to 
women  the  happiness  of  love  and  the  joy  of 
motherhood,  unless  they  can  secure  men  who 
will  maintain  them  and  their  children  in  comfort. 

Man  is  the  instrument  of  woman;  he  is  shaped 
and  used  for  her  ends,  and  in  the  interest  of  the 
species.  He  imagines  that  he  is  the  wooer,  the 
captor,  and  the  predominant  partner  after  mar- 
riage. Very  few  men  realise  the  autocracy 
under  which  they  are  doomed  to  live.  Their 
lordship  is  a  delusion  and  a  sham  dignity.  They 
are  only  the  obedient  accomplices  of  women, 
acting  unconsciously  in  a  conspiracy  designed 
by  crafty  Dame  Nature. 


CHAPTER   III. 

THE    DUEL    IN    LOVE. 

NATURE  takes  care  that  most  men  and  women 
shall  fall  in  love ;  and  all  normal  human 
beings,  from  the  age  of  sixteen  to  fifty,  and 
sometimes  after  that  age,  are  susceptible  to  the 
profound  emotion  of  sex-love.  Everyone 
should  fall  in  love  at  least  once  in  his  or  her 
lifetime,  for  those  who  have  not  known  love  are, 
in  the  moral,  emotional,  and  intellectual  expe- 
riences, lamentably  incomplete.  I  distrust 
persons  who  say  that  they  have  never  been 
swayed  by  this  passion;  and  I  like  them  least 
of  all  when  they  vaunt  the  fact  as  a  sign  of 
superiority  or  of  wisdom. 

Why  do  you  ask  me  to  admire  you  because 
you  are  a  fish,  with  fish  emotions,  a  defective 
nervous  and  circulatory  system,  and  a  lack  of 
imagination  ? 

These  fish-men  and  fish-women  are  to  be 
pitied.  Leave  them  to  the  real  or  pretended 
enjoyment  of  their  cold-blooded  superiority,  and 

31 


32  MODERN    WOMAN 

do  not  take  them  too  seriously.  They  go  about 
the  world  prating  their  fish-like  warnings  and 
counsels  to  the  warm  of  blood;  while  they  affect 
to  sneer  at  those  fine  emotions  that  they  cannot 
feel,  and  tell  you  that  sentiment  is  absurd.  I 
cannot  say  to  what  purpose  these  fish-persons 
have  been  evolved,  but  I  suppose  they  play  some 
part  or  another  in  the  economy  and  scheme  of 
Nature.  Nevertheless,  if  you  love  woman,  as 
you  should  do,  and  have  a  feeling  for  poetry 
and  a  soul  for  romance,  avoid  the  fish-men  and 
fish-women. 

The  greatest  teacher  is  Love.  I  defy  all  the 
sciences,  arts,  and  philosophies  to  compete  with 
it.  Bernard  Shaw  may  tell  his  young  Fabians 
that  "love  is  a  mawkish  sentiment."  But, 
never  mind;  wiser  men  than  Shaw  have  realised 
that  this  same  sentiment  is  the  greatest  thing  in 
life.  Fortunately,  nearly  all  the  world  loves  the 
lover,  and  therein  the  world  is  wise.  It  is  easy 
enough  to  compose  cynical  aphorisms  about 
Love,  or  Socialism,  or  Religion,  or  any  of  the 
massive  passions  and  ideals.  It  is  not  so  easy 
to  understand  the  force,  import,  and  influence 
of  these  things.  And  to  some  unhappy  men, 
calling  themselves  artists  and  thinkers,  apprecia- 
tion of  love  is  denied.  Their  blood  is  as  water. 

A  young  man  in  love  is  an  almost  awful 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      33 

spectacle.  I  can  see  nothing  to  laugh  at  in  the 
serious  form  of  monomania  that  possesses  him. 
Only  fools,  blasphemers,  and  libertines  laugh  at 
love.  A  young  man  in  love  may  be  the  most 
deluded  of  mortals;  but  for  love's  sake  let  us 
not  shatter  his  ideal  with  our  mirth  or  our 
cynicisms,  for  an  eternal  voice  speaks  within  him, 
and  the  finest  and  the  noblest  aspirations  of 
which  he  is  capable  are  becoming  manifest. 

I  am  struck  with  the  purity  of  a  very  large 
number  of  youths.  An  ardent  and  romantic 
young  man  in  love  is  exalted  and  beatified.  His 
conception  of  love  is  even  purer  than  that  of  a 
maiden.  He  would  not  soil  the  purity  of  his 
love  with  a  single  carnal  thought.  He  is  the 
greatest  idealist  under  the  sun.  To  him  the 
maiden  is  more  than  queen;  he  ascribes  to  her 
a  hundred  graces  and  virtues;  and  his  heart  is 
full  of  worship.  In  her  presence  he  trembles 
and  is  fearful  with  adoration.  His  tongue  is 
tied,  and  there  is  vehement  agitation  in  his 
breast. 

Alas !  that  he  should  so  often  fall  in  love  with 
a  shallow-minded,  prosaic,  hard  type  of  maiden, 
who  cannot  possibly  share  his  romantic  passion. 
Is  it  not  because  "  sweet  seventeen "  is  fre- 
quently the  least  romantic  age,  that  young  men 


34  MODERN    WOMAN 

become  passionately  enamoured  of  women  who 
are  no  longer  young? 

A  boy  often  conceives  a  violent  affection  for 
a  middle-aged  married  woman.  He  finds  in  her 
those  qualities  for  which  he  yearns,  charms  of 
kindness,  sensibility,  and  softness  which  are  lack- 
ing in  the  young  girls  of  his  acquaintance.  Love 
in  a  young  man  is  more  impetuous  and  volcanic 
than  in  a  young  woman.  Many  other  matters 
besides  the  attractiveness  or  the  ardour  of  her 
suitor  enter  into  the  thoughts  of  the  average 
English  girl.  She  has  been  schooled  to  keep 
her  head;  she  must  love  with  discretion  and  due 
heed  to  other  things  besides  romantic  fervour. 

The  middle-aged  women  who  charm  boys 
know  how  to  love.  They  have  been  educated 
in  the  passion,  and  they  are  therefore  in  sym- 
pathy with  lovers.  A  young  woman,  without 
experience,  is  apt  to  look  upon  a  deeply 
enamoured  young  man  as  a  lunatic.  She  is 
tempted  to  make  fun  of  him.  I  know  a  pathetic 
case  in  which  a  young  shop-boy  was  "  over  head 
and  ears  in  love,"  as  the  saying  is,  with  a  girl 
of  about  his  own  age.  Anxious  to  appear  as 
gallant  and  gay  as  a  lover  should,  he  took 
especial  pains  with  his  ablutions  and  his  clothes 
whenever  he  went  to  "  walk  out "  with  his 
sweetheart.  One  day,  in  a  gush  of  ardour,  he 


AND   HOW  TO   MANAGE  HER      35 

confessed  to  the  girl  that  he  always  "  put  on  his 
.best  trousers"  when  he  came  to  see  her.  The 
girl  burst  into  hearty  laughter.  For  her  there 
was  no  pathos  in  this  admission;  she  saw  only 
the  ridiculous  where  she  should  have  recognised 
the  sublime. 

How  would  an  older  woman  have  received 
this  confession  ?  I  do  not  think  she  would  have 
laughed  at  the  ingenuous  wretch,  and  made  him 
smart  with  dismay  and  shame.  She  would  have 
realised  that  the  boy  was  a  genuine  lover,  eager 
to  please  her  in  everything,  solicitous  that  he 
might  appear  externally  pleasing  in  her  eyes.  A 
mother-feeling — of  which  a  young  girl  is  devoid 
in  relation  to  a  lover — would  have  welled  within 
her,  and  I  can  see  her  plant  a  kiss  on  that  poor 
lad's  well-soaped  cheeks. 

Women,  if  you  have  any  respect  for  purity 
of  heart,  do  not  sneer  at  the  fresh  young  flower 
of  love  that  springs  from  the  breast  of  a  poetic 
young  man.  Be  tender  and  merciful,  even  if 
you  are  amused  or  bored.  You  will  learn  ere 
long  that  love  is  a  rare  and  precious  thing,  and 
you  may  have  cause  to  sigh  at  another's  coldness 
or  cruelty.  It  is  evil  to  make  light  of  love  and 
to  deride  its  clumsy  sincerity  in  the  young. 

The  very  vehemence  with  which  men  love 
renders  them  somewhat  inartistic  as  lovers. 


36  MODERN    WOMAN 

With  women  it  is  different.  Professor  William 
Thomas  has  an  instructive  -passage  upon 
woman's  share  in  love-making  in  his  Sex  and 
Society : 

"  The  means  of  attraction  she  employs  are  so 
highly  elaborated  and  her  technique  is  so  finished 
that  she  is  really  more  active  in  courtship  than 
man.  We  speak  of  man  as  the  wooer,  but 
falling  in  love  is  really  mediated  by  the  woman. 
By  dress,  behaviour,  coquetry,  modesty,  reserve, 
and  occasional  boldness  she  gains  the  attention 
of  man  and  infatuates  him.  He  does  the  court- 
ing, but  she  controls  the  process." 

Here,  then,  is  another  instance  of  man's  sub- 
servience to  woman.  Even  in  love  he  is  not  the 
chief  partner  in  the  game;  he  is  swept  along  by 
a  mighty  physical  and  psychic  force,  and  becomes 
the  prey  of  the  woman.  This  is  what  every 
woman  knows.  And  the  power  thus  entrusted 
to  her  by  Nature  is  very  often  used  tyrannically. 
Love  caused  the  death  of  many  gallant  knights 
in  the  days  of  chivalry,  and  woman's  cruel  exer- 
cise of  her  ascendancy  in  love  causes  much 
suffering,  and  even  death,  to-day. 

"  From  Samson  and  Odysseus  down,  history 
and  story  recognise  the  ease  and  the  frequency 
with  which  a  woman  makes  a  fool  of  a  man," 
writes  Professor  Thomas.  "  The  male  protec- 


AND   HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      37 

tive  and  sentimental  attitude  is  indeed  incom- 
patible with  resistance."  This  is  very  true. 
Men  endure  torments,  insults,  cruelties,  and 
injustices  from  women  that  they  would  quickly 
resent  in  their  own  sex.  Woman  continually 
"  exploits  "  man  for  her  own  purposes,  and  man 
submits. 

Are  women,  then,  incapable  of  a  noble,  fer- 
vent, and  constant  affection?  No,  they  are 
sometimes  as  romantic  and  reckless  in  their  love 
as  men.  One  woman's  bosom  is  composed  of 
adamant;  another's  is  tender,  yearning,  and 
pitiful.  It  is  not  a  fundamental  sexual  charac- 
teristic that  inhibits  so  many  women  from  loving 
with  the  intense  ardour  of  an  amorous  man. 
Woman's  coolness  in  love,  her  passivity  and 
placidity,  arise  often  from  artificial  sources.  A 
man-poet  speaks  of  love  as  "woman's  whole 
existence,"  but  this  is  not  universally  accepted 
by  women,  nor  taught  to  them  as  a  primary  trait 
of  their  natures.  On  the  contrary,  the  prevail- 
ing feminine  attitude  towards  love  is  shame- 
faced, apologetic,  timorous.  It  is  considered 
"  unmaidenly  "  for  a  girl  to  avow  that  she  is 
consumed  with  her  love  for  a  man.  She  is 
taught  to  conceal  such  natural  and  beautiful 
impulses,  and  the  whole  trend  of  her  education 
in  the  home  and  outside  of  it  is  towards  making 


38  MODERN    WOMAN 

her  a  finished  hypocrite  in  this  relation.  Never- 
theless, she  is  reared  for  marriage  as  her  destiny. 

A  George  Sand  or  a  Laurence  Hope  may 
write  passionately  of  love;  but  such  women  are 
rare,  not  only  as  artists,  but  as  lovers.  This  dis- 
passionate attitude  towards  love  characterises  the 
work  of  a  large  number  of  women  novelists. 
Either  from  timidity,  or  from  a  lack  of  expe- 
rience, they  write  upon  the  strongest  passion  of 
humanity  as  though  men  and  women  were  dis- 
embodied ghosts,  instead  of  warm  flesh  and 
blood. 

The  frigidity,  or  "  sexual  anasthaesia,"  of  a 
great  many  women  appears  to  be  an  inherited 
quality;  but  we  must  always  remember  that  such 
a  state  of  feeling  has  been  induced  and  fostered 
by  artificial  means  for  many  ages,  and  is  probably 
not  a  fundamental  and  specific  feminine  charac- 
teristic. When  we  consider  that  the  mothers  of 
the  community  are  deemed  "modest"  and 
"  womanly  "  in  proportion  to  their  ignorance  of 
their  own  physical  life  and  their  natural  desires, 
it  is  not  difficult  to  understand  how  this  repul- 
sion has  assumed  the  guise  of  an  abnormality. 

Is  it  not  quite  conceivable,  if  we  were  reared 
in  the  belief  that  it  is  wrong  to  savour  our  food, 
and  that  to  enjoy  the  acts  of  eating  and  drinking 
is  gross  or  disgusting,  that  the  gustatory, 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE   HER      39 

salivary,  and  digestive  functions  would  become 
disordered  ?  No  man  can  be  healthy  who 
spurns  his  food.  On  what  a  much  higher  and 
more  psychical  plane  is  the  other  appetite  in  ques- 
tion. It  is  hardly  comparable  with  the  alimen- 
tative  impulse,  being  altogether  more  massive, 
and  intimately  connected  with  the  mental  and 
the  spiritual. 

I  refer  to  this  alleged  coldness  of  women, 
because  it  is  one  of  the  causes  of  conjugal  un- 
happiness.  Fire  and  marble  are  often  attracted 
one  to  the  other  by  intellectual  and  moral 
qualities;  and,  with  no  deep  understanding  of 
their  own  needs,  the  passionate  unite  with  the 
passionless.  The  result  is  daily  before  our  eyes. 
We  ascribe  every  reason  but  the  right  one  to 
the  infelicity  that  so  frequently  accompanies  such 
unfortunate  unions.  Not  one  man  or  woman 
in  a  hundred  faces  the  question  boldly  and 
sanely.  The  tendency  everywhere  is  to  deceive 
oneself  and  to  deceive  others  upon  this  vital 
matter,  among  many  others. 

The  more  thoughtful  of  our  novelists — those 
who  hold  the  artistic  faith  that  fiction  should 
be  a  criticism  of  life  by  means  of  a  true  pre- 
sentment of  the  emotions — now  and  then  select 
this  somewhat  common  characteristic  of  women 
for  treatment.  I  call  to  mind  Thomas  Hardy, 


40  MODERN    WOMAN 

Frank  Harris,  and  H.  G.  Wells  as  English 
novelists  who  do  not  burk  the  subject.  In 
Tono-Bungay  we  have  a  very  living  portrait  of 
this  type  of  woman.  Marion  speaks  of  certain 
natural  and  necessary  phases  of  love  as  "  horrid." 
She  represents  a  large  class  of  women;  a  class 
to  be  pitied,  understood,  and  educated,  and  not 
condemned,  for  they  miss  many  of  the  finer 
emotions  through  the  inculcation  of  false  views, 
and  are  hardly  responsible  for  their  morbidity. 

This  is  an  aspect  of  the  antagonism  of  the 
sexes  which  will  be  properly  studied  in  the 
future.  I  say  unhesitatingly  that  the  recoil  is 
the  source  of  more  domestic  misery  than  can 
be  reckoned,  to  say  nothing  of  the  vice  that  it 
causes.  It  has  been  plainly  recognised  by  Forel 
and  other  scientific  investigators;  but  the  average 
sociologists  and  writers  on  the  marriage  question 
either  avoid  the  phenomenon  or  fail  to  perceive 
its  manifold  bearings. 

Whether  women  love  differently  from  men 
by  nature  or  through  training,  the  fact  cannot  be 
disputed  that  this  difference  in  love  is  a  preva- 
lent cause  of  disagreement,  and  even  of  down- 
right hostility.  This  disharmony  is  more  likely 
to  arise  after  than  before  marriage;  for  love- 
making,  in  England  at  any  rate,  is  conducted 
in  such  a  distant  and  sedate  manner  that  the 


lovers  hardly  know  whether  they  are  courting 
or  talking  about  tennis.  They  do  not  know 
enough  of  one  another  to  quarrel;  their  minds 
are  clogged  with  illusions,  and  they  are  both,  so 
to  speak,  on  their  "  best  behaviour."  Of  course, 
there  are  tiffs  during  the  engagement;  but  these 
are  usually  slight  skirmishes,  and  not  to  be 
compared  with  the  terrible  "  scenes "  that  are 
only  too  common  in  married  life,  when,  one  by 
one,  the  illusions  have  vanished  like  seed-down 
in  a  gale  of  wind. 

A  long  betrothal  has  this  advantage — that  it 
affords  time  for  the  lovers  to  cast  aside  the  pose 
of  best  behaviour,  and  to  reveal  themselves  as 
the  very  human  and  frail  creatures  that  they  are. 

If  you  are  frequently  in  the  company  of  a 
woman  during  a  three  or  four  years'  engagement, 
the  probability  is  that  you  will  quarrel  with  her 
periodically,  make  it  up,  "  kiss  again  with  tears," 
and  live  affectionately  for  another  spell  of 
dormant  egoism.  Both  you  and  the  woman  of 
your  heart  will  by  these  means  learn  something 
at  least  of  one  another's  foibles  and  defects  of 
temperament;  and  if  you  are  philosophic,  you 
will  resolve  to  bear  and  forbear  in  marriage. 
Otherwise,  your  wooing  will  have  a  fatal  ter- 
mination one  of  these  fine  days,  and  there  will 
be  either  that  farcical-pathetic  return  of  love- 


42  MODERN    WOMAN 

letters  and  presents,  mutual  promises  of  friend- 
ship and  respect,  and  so  forth,  or  a  tragic  explo- 
sion and  an  avowal  of  contempt,  and  possibly 
hatred. 

Most  women  like  long  engagements.  They 
seriously  profess  that  courtship  is  more  delightful 
than  marriage,  and  they  fear  that  they  will  lose 
the  docile,  patient,  unselfish  lover  in  the  hus- 
band. I  suppose  this  is  an  instinctive  feeling; 
but  it  suggests  a  somewhat  quaint  distrust,  and 
is,  in  a  sense,  an  imputation  on  the  suitor.  Men 
do  not  fall  out  of  love  in  marriage  so  quickly 
as  is  commonly  supposed.  I  know  that  cynics 
liken  wedlock  to  the  tomb  of  love;  and  that 
sour  monitors  are  prone  to  advise  the  maiden 
that  it  is  well  to  keep  the  whip-hand  over  the 
cringing  supplicant  for  as  long  as  possible;  but 
these  grim  persons  are  not  wholly  reliable  as 
authorities  upon  marriage. 

Prolonged  engagements  are  almost  always  a 
mistake.  It  is  very  difficult  for  weak,  average 
men  and  women  to  pose  as  angels  for  a  pro- 
tracted period.  Also  long  repression  in  the 
ardent  is  not  beneficial.  The  fish-order  of 
human  beings  may  wait  for  one  another  for  years 
with  impunity. 

How  shall  a  man  manage  the  modern  woman 
as  a  lover?  If  all  modern  women  were  alike, 


AND   HOW  TO   MANAGE  HER      43 

this  question  could  be  answered  very  briefly. 
But  although  the  women  of  to-day  sing  from 
a  loud  and  dominating  keynote,  they  possess 
tones  of  different  quality  and  sweetness.  When 
the  prevailing  note  of  independence  is  sung  in 
a  high,  shrill  voice,  reflect  calmly,  O  man,  before 
you  sign  away  every  tittle  of  your  manhood. 
There  are  men  who  like  to  be  ruled  by  the 
women  they  love;  there  are  men  who  can  tolerate 
being  dominated;  and  there  are  others  who  hate 
the  idea  of  being  under  petticoat  government. 

I  can  only  tender  my  meagre  counsel  to  the 
third  order.  The  first  do  not  need  any  advice. 
They  are  quiet,  tractable,  somewhat  feeble  souls, 
who  are  nevertheless  rational  and  shrewd  enough 
to  apprehend  that  their  destiny  is  to  be  a  strong 
woman's  husband.  They  are  aware  of  certain 
limitations  within  themselves,  which  will  be 
counterbalanced  by  the  virility  of  the  woman 
who  condescends  to  honour  them  by  asking  for 
their  life-long  attachment  and  contented  servi- 
tude. There  are  a  few  men — perhaps  not  so  few 
as  we  think — who  like  to  be  bullied,  oppressed, 
and  trodden  underfoot  by  their  lovers  and  wives. 

Possibly  Nature  evolves  these  types  for  the 
definite  end  of  advancing  the  masculine  woman; 
for  there  is  no  question  that  a  compliant  spouse 
is  a  very  useful  auxiliary  of  the  Napoleonic 


44  MODERN    WOMAN 

woman,  born  to  command  and  conquer.  The 
Over- Woman  and  the  meek  man  are  often  happy 
together.  I  may  say,  however,  that  once  or 
twice  in  my  life  I  have  heard  the  meek  man 
swear  under  his  breath. 

The  man  who  can  tolerate  a  domineering  lover 
may  become  reconciled  to  his  position  by  the 
exercise  of  firmness  and  patience.  He  must 
stand  up  for  his  rights  at  an  early  stage  in  the 
courtship,  or  he  will  lose  for  ever  his  charter  of 
freedom. 

Let  us  suppose  that  his  Gwendolen  dislikes 
bull-dogs;  that  he  wishes  to  keep  a  specimen  of 
those  unaesthetic  animals;  and  that  she  has  set 
her  heart  upon  a  cat  and  Pekinese  terrier. 
Must  the  bull-dog  be  given  up?  I  fear  so,  if 
Gwendolen  makes  it  a  point,  and  Horatio  desires 
domestic  concord.  But  Horatio  must  not  for- 
swear bull-dogs  without  protest.  Let  him  raise 
an  objection  against  cats  plus  dogs.  He  can 
endure  one  or  the  other,  but  not  both  at  the 
same  time.  Let  him  urge  that  if  Gwendolen 
cannot  upon  any  consideration  receive  a  bull- 
dog into  the  bosom  of  the  family,  he  really  can- 
not accept  a  cat  as  well  as  a  Pekinese  terrier. 

Submit  the  matter  to  arbitration,  and  be  firm. 
After  all,  you  can  make  shift  with  a  fox-terrier, 
if  the  bull-dog  is  not  to  be  thought  of;  but  do 


AND   HOW  TO   MANAGE   HER      45 

not  assent  to  the  cat  as  well  as  the  Pekinese 
terrier.  Don't  be  wrecked  before  you  are  out 
of  port. 

You  smile  at  my  illustration,  and  think  it 
ridiculous.  But  I  assure  you  that  if,  in  the 
antagonism  of  the  sexes,  you  cede  your  small 
privileges  too  easily,  you  will  find  that  the  Over- 
Woman  will  not  leave  you  much  to  call  your 
own  in  the  way  of  liberty  of  action.  She  will 
treat  you  like  a  child,  not  unkindly;  but  in  a 
maternal,  fussy  way  that  it  is  especially  irritating 
to  many  strong-willed  men.  When  strong 
women  do  not  regard  us  as  big  children,  and 
alternately  cocker  us  and  scold  us,  they  look 
upon  us  as  selfish  brutes  or  contemptible  fools. 

The  modern  woman  is  evolving  on  the  lines 
of  intelligence,  forcefulness,  and  independence, 
and,  whether  men  like  it  or  not,  the  absolute 
sway  of  the  human  male  is  moribund  in  every 
class  except  the  lowest.  The  doll-like,  insipid 
incarnation,  still  admired  by  some  men,  is  hope- 
lessly doomed  to  disappearance  under  the  new 
conditions. 

I  cannot  think  of  any  phase  of  human  evolu- 
tion that  is  proceeding  so  rapidly  under  our  eyes 
as  the  advance  of  woman  towards  sex-equality. 
If  the  modern  man  fails  to  observe  this,  he  is 
lamentably  deficient  in  observation  and  percep- 


46  MODERN    WOMAN 

tion.  Men  who  realise  and  face  the  fact  know 
that  they  must  choose  a  companion,  and  not  a 
plaything  only.  In  the  long-run  the  good  that 
will  accrue  to  men  and  to  the  race  will  be  enor- 
mous; but  in  the  transition  stage  both  sexes  are 
bound  to  suffer  much. 

We  are  confronted  with  both  growth  and 
decay,  and  just  as  these  changes  are  inseparable 
from  more  or  less  pain  in  the  human  organism, 
so  are  they  inseparable  from  pain  in  the  com- 
munity. 

The  young  generation  of  educated  women 
clamouring  at  the  door,  are  no  more  unfeminine 
or  unsexed  than  the  women  of  the  time  of  Eliza- 
beth, who  learned  Latin  and  talked  upon  intel- 
lectual subjects  with  men.  The  same  cry  of 
"  unfeminine "  was  doubtless  heard  then.  It 
has  been  heard  in  every  century,  and  it  is  not 
the  invention  of  latter-day  journalists,  but  the 
age-old  plaint  of  men,  whose  jealousy  of 
woman's  progress  is  one  of  the  plainest  pages 
of  human  history. 

The  present  is  the  era  of  the  man-contemning, 
man-hating  woman.  There  is  not  a  woman's 
club  in  London  wherein  you  will  not  hear 
avowed  dislike  of  men  among  a  fairly  large 
number  of  the  members.  What  is  the  cause  of 
this  seemingly  unnatural  attitude?  Is  it  a  real 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      47 

or  a  spurious  contempt?  In  most  cases  it  is  a 
form  of  protest  against  life  in  general,  with  man 
as  the  scapegoat  for  all  that  is  amiss  in  the  status 
of  woman.  In  some  instances  it  is  a  mere  fashion, 
a  form  of  feminine  cynicism,  which  means  very 
little.  Sometimes  the  aversion  is  real  and  deep. 

Women  who  sincerely  hate  men  are  scarce. 
Those  who  say  that  they  have  a  poor  opinion  of 
men,  and  a  contempt  for  them,  are  somewhat 
numerous.  The  typical  man-detesting  woman — 
the  true  type — is  not  always,  as  depicted  in 
fiction  and  the  comic  papers,  a  sort  of  human 
hybrid,  with  a  moustache,  a  manly  physique,  and 
an  affectation  of  man's  clothing.  She  is  not  always 
an  ugly  woman,  with  an  unpleasing  voice,  and 
dressed  like  a  dowdy.  On  the  contrary,  she  is 
sometimes  beautiful  and  very  attractive  to  men, 
though  sexually  abnormal. 

It  is  singular,  but  true,  that  women  of  the 
man-despising  order  are  often  amative,  and  the 
heroines  of  a  series  of  love-affairs.  Frequently 
they  have  been  loved  devotedly;  they  have  made 
easy  conquests  of  men's  hearts.  We  can  only 
set  it  down  to  strange  human  perversity  that 
women  who  are  much  loved,  and  men  whom 
many  women  love,  are  apt  to  exhibit  very  strong 
sex-hostility. 

Practised  and  hardened  flirts  in  both  sexes 


48  MODERN    WOMAN 

usually  cherish  no  high  ideal  of  the  opposite  sex. 
They  have  wasted  the  most  precious  thing  in 
life  in  mimic  passions  and  spurious  attachments; 
they  have  played  so  long  at  love  that  love  itself 
has  deserted  them.  There  is  a  large  element  of 
emotional  vice  in  flirting.  You  cannot  tamper 
with  love  without  suffering  psychic  injury. 
There  is,  of  course,  harmless  flirtation,  and  flir- 
tation that  impairs  the  power  to  love.  If  you 
play  and  trifle  long  with  love,  he  will  turn  and 
revenge  himself  by  flying  away,  never  to  return. 

The  battered  butterflies  of  women  are  mostly 
cynical  about  love.  They  are  pests.  Having 
wasted  their  youth  in  philandering,  they  degene- 
rate in  middle-age  into  stinging  insects,  malig- 
nant, disappointed,  jealous,  and  delighting  in 
scandalous  gossip.  No  longer  finding  joy  in 
flitting  from  flower  to  flower,  they  sneer  at  real 
passion  and  profess  contempt  for  lovers. 

Sometimes  the  man-hater  is  an  ill-favoured 
woman,  a  cold  woman,  or  a  shrew,  who  has 
missed  love  through  her  own  fault,  or  through 
misfortune.  The  plain  woman  whom  men  do 
not  desire  is  often  a  jewel  that  has  not  been 
discovered  by  the  purblind.  Often,  on  the  other 
hand,  she  is  ill-tempered,  stupid,  and  unattrac- 
tive mentally  as  well  as  physically. 

The    cold    woman     frequently    becomes    a 


AND  HOW  TO   MANAGE   HER      49 

militant  man-hater,  and  especially  so  when  she 
is  beautiful.  Her  bosom  rankles  with  resent- 
ment against  the  undiscerning  fools  of  men  who 
have  passed  her  by  in  spite  of  her  charms.  She 
does  not  realise  that  exterior  beauty  alone  is  not 
always  magnetic.  If  her  coldness  is  congenital 
and  incurable  she  is  to  be  pitied,  and  not  cen- 
sured by  the  more  fortunate. 

Among  the  great  army  of  the  sex,  the  regi- 
ment of  aggressively  man-hating  women  is  of 
full  strength,  and  signs  of  the  times  show  that 
it  is  being  steadily  recruited.  On  its  banner  is 
emblazoned,  "  Woe  to  Man " ;  and  its  call  to 
arms  is  shrill  and  loud.  These  are  the  women 
who  are  "independent  of  men,"  a  motley  host, 
pathetic  in  their  defiance  of  the  first  principles 
of  Nature,  but  of  no  serious  account  in  the  bio- 
logical or  social  sense.  The  women  who  will 
compose  the  Matriarchate  of  the  future  will  not 
be  man-haters.  They  will  probably  spoil  men 
with  yearning  protective  kindness,  as  men  have 
tended  to  spoil  women  in  the  past. 

A  great  factor  in  the  antagonism  of  men 
towards  women  is  the  fear  of  the  Unknown. 
When  a  savage  first  heard  a  clock  strike  the  hour, 
he  threw  it  down  in  a  frenzy  of  fright,  and 
smashed  it  to  pieces.  This  dread  and  hatred 
of  the  mysterious  and  apparently  inexplicable  is 


50  MODERN    WOMAN 

a  common  human  trait,  not  only  observed  among 
primitive  folk,  but  prevalent  in  a  high  degree 
in  Mayfair  and  Kensington,  as  well  as  in  Bethnal 
Green. 

Woman  has  always  been  associated  with 
mystery,  taboo,  and  sacred  ritual.  The  holy 
writings  of  every  religion,  from  the  most  primi- 
tive to  the  most  cultured  and  elaborate,  show 
very  clearly  how  men  have  dreaded  the  influence 
of  women  in  most  of  the  affairs  of  life,  due  to 
the  widespread  attribution  of  beneficent  magical 
powers  to  the  sex. 

The  average  modern  man  cannot  easily  rid 
himself  of  the  old  superstitious  regard  for 
woman.  I  know  many  men  who  exhibit  dis- 
tinct fear  of  women,  and  avoid  their  company 
as  often  as  possible,  "  because  they  don't  know 
how  to  talk  to  women,  and  don't  understand 
them."  Some  of  these  men  would  be  described 
by  women  as  "  poor  dears."  They  are  often 
very  virile,  masculine,  and  physically  courageous 
men.  But  in  the  presence  of  woman  they  are 
tremulous,  tongue-tied,  and  appalled. 

The  man  who  understands  woman  best,  and 
fears  her  the  least,  possesses  a  strong  trace  of 
the  feminine  soul.  This  is  not  saying  that  he 
is  emasculated,  or  feminine  in  an  abnormal  sense; 
he  may  be  quite  normally  a  man  in  body  and 


AND  HOW  TO   MANAGE  HER      51 

mind.  But  he  has  in  his  brain  and  heart  those 
qualities  of  understanding  and  sympathy  which 
are  more  feminine  than  masculine.  In  like 
manner,  the  women  who  are  happiest  in  their 
comprehension  of  men,  and  are  described  by  men 
as  good  companions,  either  in  wedlock  or  in 
friendship,  have  an  element  of  masculinity  in 
their  minds  and  bosoms. 


CHAPTER   IV. 

THE    WAR    IN    WEDLOCK. 

MARRYING  is  somewhat  out  of  fashion  nowadays, 
and  Cassandra  voices  are  raised  against  the 
time-honoured  institution  of  wedlock.  When 
we  were  children  our  parents  were  still  young, 
for  men  and  women  married  at  an  early  age  a 
few  decades  ago.  But  to-day  marriage  is 
deferred,  as  a  shrewd  man  of  business  defers  the 
payment  of  a  bill  upon  which  there  is  no  dis- 
count. We  want  to  secure  all  the  enjoyment 
that  the  capital  of  single  freedom  affords,  even 
though  we  regard  marriage  as  our  ultimate  and 
almost  inevitable  fate. 

It  was  not  so  fifty  years  ago.  Young  men 
and  damsels  married  in  their  twenties,  and  often 
before;  they  were  less  prudent  than  the  modern 
generation,  more  sentimental,  and  more  hasty 
in  this  important  decision.  Now  a  man  waits 
until  he  is  at  least  thirty-five  or  forty,  while  a 
woman  refuses  to  rush  into  the  matrimonial 
toils  at  twenty.  It  is  more  difficult  to  get  mar- 

52 


AND   HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      53 

ried  to-day  than  it  was  in  the  time  of  our  fathers 
and  mothers. 

The  deferment  of  marriage  is  due  largely  to  an 
economic  hindrance.  In  the  days  of  crinolines 
the  middle-class  standard  of  living  was  modest, 
even  humble,  when  contrasted  with  the  standard 
of  our  day.  The  merchant,  the  professional 
man,  and  the  moderately  prosperous  shop-keeper 
often  lived  at  the  warehouse,  office,  or  shop. 
He  spent  very  little  upon  ostentation.  It  is  one 
thing  to  hire  a  gig  for  an  occasional  jaunt  to 
Richmond;  it  is  another  thing  to  keep  a  motor- 
car and  a  chauffeur. 

Everything  in  our  time  is  more  costly  in  the 
long-run,  including  wives,  than  in  the  Early 
Victorian  period.  Cheap  food  and  cheap  clothes 
do  not  count  against  the  increase  in  rents  and  the 
hundred-and-one  expenses  which  are  considered 
essential  to  the  keeping-up  of  a  position  of 
respectability.  No  one,  artist,  author,  lawyer, 
or  tradesman,  can  afford  to  appear  impecunious 
to-day.  We  are  ten  times  more  commercial 
than  we  were  sixty  years  ago,  and  the  commer- 
cial spirit  has  invaded  the  sanctuary  of  love. 
Our  grandmothers  recklessly  married  poor  mer- 
chants, lawyers,  and  doctors,  and  were  content 
to  live  in  streets  that  are  now  considered  mean 
and  intolerable.  To  earn  a  living  now,  it  is 


54  MODERN    WOMAN 

necessary  to  make  a  continual  show  of  monetary 
success.  A  man's  worth  is  judged  by  his  house, 
his  apparel,  his  expenditure;  in  fact,  by  every- 
thing except  his  higher  attainments  and  his 
virtues. 

Another  check  upon  early  marriage  is  the 
incessant  attack  upon  that  state  directed  by 
"  teachers "  of  all  sorts,  social  essayists,  jour- 
nalists, novelists,  and  dramatists.  The  diatribes 
fired  at  the  celibate  are  enough  to  scare  them  for 
life  from  entering  into  unions  that  are  described 
as  "  slavery,"  "  unequal,"  "  oppressive,"  "  para- 
sitical," and  "  immoral."  Every  publishing 
season  brings  forth  a  crop  of  pessimistic  novels, 
treating  the  theme  of  unhappy  wedlock  in  the 
most  sombre  of  hues. 

Nevertheless,  there  are  still  instances  of  ideal 
marriage.  Happy  wedlock  is  the  greatest 
moralising  influence  in  society,  and  the  chief 
felicity  that  life  affords  to  men  and  women  whose 
natures  are  attuned  to  love  and  conjugality. 
The  reason  why  so  many  of  us  are  unhappy  in 
marriage  is  because  we  do  not  regard  love  as 
a  fine  art.  A  capable  and  triumphant  suitor 
imagines  that  he  can  dismiss  the  guise  of  the 
lover,  and  assume  the  toga  of  the  husband  after 
a  few  months  of  dalliance  and  tenderness.  A 
bride  who  has  brought  a  lover  to  her  net 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      55 

imagines  that  he  will  be  always  reconciled  to  the 
conjugal  cage,  and  that  she  has  no  further  need 
for  those  gentle  arts  which  she  exercised  during 
courtship. 

There  is  more  need  for  love-making  in  wed- 
lock than  in  the  betrothal  days.  God  bless  us 
all,  we  are  children  who  want  to  be  noticed, 
flattered,  petted,  and  played  with  I  As  soon  as 
a  husband  ceases  to  admire  his  wife  for  her 
features  and  her  other  charms,  or  her  domestic 
economy,  or  her  mental  parts,  or  her  goodness, 
or  what  not,  he  is  losing  the  lover  attitude  and 
merging  into  a  state  of  mere  toleration.  When 
a  wife  neglects  those  gentle  offices  that  count  for 
so  much  in  daily  life,  and  ceases  to  take  interest 
in  her  husband's  opinions  and  hobbies,  she  is 
forgetting  that  love  can  only  be  kept  aglow  by 
art  and  tact. 

In  ideal  marriage  there  is  a  truce  to  sex- 
antagonism.  The  universal  element  of  discord 
is  ignored  as  though  it  had  no  existence.  Such 
remarks  as  "  How  like  a  woman !  "  are  not  heard 
on  the  lips  of  the  man;  and  his  wife  refrains 
from  censures  upon  the  opposite  sex.  Call  it 
hypocrisy,  if  you  like.  Which  will  you  choose  : 
this  state  of  truce  with  its  possibilities  of  peace 
and  happiness,  or  that  strenuous  life  wherein 
sex-hostility  is  given  full  play? 


56  MODERN    WOMAN 

Perfect  conjugality  depends  upon  adaptability, 
mental  and  physical.  How  seldom  do  a  man 
and  a  woman  attain  the  twin-joys  of  delight  in 
the  mind  and  body  of  one  another.  Is  not  this 
possible  consummation  within  reach  of  more 
men  and  women? 

Yes :  but  before  ideal  marriages  are  common 
men  need  to  learn  what  women  want,  just  as 
women  need  to  study  what  men  desire.  How 
this  is  to  be  learned  under  the  present  system 
of  social  intercourse  between  the  sexes,  with  its 
decrees  against  honest  speech,  its  hundred  hypo- 
crisies, dissimulations,  and  lies,  is  more  than  I 
can  answer. 

The  War  in  Wedlock  is  one  of  the  fiercest 
conflicts  waged  between  the  sexes.  It  makes 
hells  of  thousands  of  homes;  it  fosters  sexual 
vice;  it  paralyses  the  finest  powers  of  men  and 
women ;  it  has  a  terrible  effect  upon  the  children ; 
and  it  is  the  cause  of  grave  mental  and  physical 
injury.  Let  us  endeavour  to  understand 
the  chief  causes  of  warfare  in  the  conjugal 
state. 

A  man  of  the  ordinary  stamp  falls  in  love  with 
a  woman  who  consents  to  become  his  life-long 
partner.  Both  the  man  and  the  woman  are  often 
obsessed  by  delusions  about  love  and  marriage; 
they  are  swept  along  by  their  affections,  and  they 


AND   HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      57 

think  that  the  flood  will  carry  them  safely  to  a 
quiet  haven. 

What  does  the  average  man  know  of  the  soul 
of  the  woman  whose  head  rests  upon  his  breast 
and  whose  arms  encircle  him?  What  does  he 
know  concerning  the  physical  nature  of  this 
human  being,  whose  organs,  functions,  and 
desires  are  in  so  many  respects  widely  different 
from  his  own  ?  My  answer  is,  "  Almost 
nothing." 

What  does  the  woman  know  of  the  real  inner 
life  and  emotions  of  the  man  to  whom  she  has 
pledged  herself  ?  How  much  does  she  know  of 
his  physical  life  and  function?  My  answer  is 
again,  "  Almost  nothing."  Yet  these  two  chil- 
dren of  Adam  have  planned  to  live  together  in 
the  closest  of  all  human  intimacies,  and  to  bring 
other  souls  into  the  world! 

The  War  in  Wedlock  arises  most  frequently 
from  the  profound  ignorance  of  one  sex  con- 
cerning the  other,  an  ignorance  that  is  fos- 
tered by  our  conventions,  and  even  commended 
by  misguided  teachers  and  parents.  The  great 
"  one  half  of  life,"  which  "  women  should  not 
know,"  is  a  locked  volume  to  the  maiden,  who 
suddenly  finds  herself,  to  all  intents  and  purposes, 
fettered  for  life  to  a  man  who  can  force  her  to 
his  wishes,  even  with  the  use  of  cruelty,  and 
still  keep  outside  of  the  law  of  the  land. 


58  MODERN    WOMAN 

The  "  man  of  the  world,"  the  man  who  has 
"  seen  life,"  may  have  had  a  number  of  experi- 
ences, some  beneficial  and  some  injurious,  but  he 
has  at  least  a  certain  amount  of  knowledge.  But 
the  knowledge  that  he  has  gained  from  the  demi- 
monde is  useless  as  an  equipment  for  under- 
standing the  soul  and  the  desires  of  a  chaste  and 
ignorant  woman.  His  mind  is  probably  porno- 
graphic; the  mind  of  the  woman  is  an  almost 
white  surface,  with  here  and  there  a  faint  impres- 
sion, but  no  more.  Even  if  he  is  chaste,  he  is 
still,  in  the  majority  of  cases,  scarcely  fit  to 
become  the  sole  protector  of  a  woman's  person, 
soul,  and  destiny. 

To  all  but  the  most  dull,  unimpressionable, 
and  imperceptive  of  men  and  women,  marriage 
is  a  continual  revelation.  It  is  a  revelation  of 
oneself  and  of  one's  partner  that  never  ceases. 
I  know  married  folk  whose  so-called  content- 
ment is  like  that  of  two  turnips  growing  side 
by  side.  These  are  not  the  men  and  women 
who  really  live.  Tens  of  thousands  of  people 
miss  life  altogether.  I  speak  now  of  human 
beings  who,  by  heredity  and  habit,  are  forced 
to  feel  and  to  think.  These  are  the  mortals  to 
whom  life  presents  its  painful  problems  as  well 
as  its  sweetest  raptures.  And  to  them  the  ques- 
tion of  how  to  make  the  best  of  marriage  is  a 
vital  one. 


AND  HOW  TO   MANAGE  HER      59 

Education,  in  its  broadest  sense,  is  one 
remedy  for  the  ignorance  of  the  sexes  concerning 
one  another;  but  our  conception  of  "  education  " 
is  confined  to  books,  and  has  only  a  slight  bear- 
ing upon  many  of  the  large  things  of  life. 
There  must  be  freer  social  intercourse  between 
the  sexes  before  we  can  diminish  sex-misunder- 
standing and  sex-antagonism.  Mixed  clubs  of 
men  and  women  are  helping  to  break  down 
the  old  fatuous  barriers.  Co-education  in 
youth  is  another  step  in  the  right  direction. 
Anything  that  hinders  the  segregation  of  the 
sexes  tends  to  lessen  this  lack  of  understanding 
between  men  and  women,  and  lends  hope  that 
the  sex-union  of  the  future  will  be  happier  than 
it  is  to-day. 

We  should  insist  that  fundamental  physio- 
logical facts  should  be  taught,  first  lovingly  in 
the  home,  and  afterwards  by  scientific  teaching  in 
the  colleges.  I  know  that  both  the  pornographic 
and  the  prudish  persons,  who  swarm  in  every 
class  of  society,  will  jeer  at, or  veto,  this  proposal; 
and  that  cant  in  its  most  frantic  forms  must  be 
fought  before  this  reform  is  established. 

All  that  promotes  the  understanding  of  the 
sexes  one  for  the  other  should  be  encouraged 
in  the  young  man  and  woman.  Art,  the  drama, 
poetry,  and  fiction  may  be  used  to  serve  this 


60  MODERN    WOMAN 

purpose.  But  all  false  art  must  be  excluded. 
Biological  science  is  of  great  service  in  revealing 
the  mysteries  of  organic  life,  and  in  showing 
the  processes  of  Nature  in  the  reproduction  of 
plants  and  animals.  By  such  means  we  may  in 
future  time  escape  from  the  horrible  welter  of 
indecency  and  prudery  in  which  we  now  live, 
and  emerge  as  a  new  race  of  clean-minded  men 
and  women. 

Marriage  in  the  future  will  be  more  attrac- 
tive to  celibates  than  it  is  to-day.  The  contract 
will  not  be  cruel  in  its  exaction  of  cohabitation 
for  persons  who  have  ceased  to  love.  There 
will  be  facilities  for  complete  and  honourable 
separation,  with  no  hindrance  to  a  second  union, 
and  no  imputations  against  those  who  wish  to 
sunder  an  insupportable  rivet.  When  more 
women  partially  or  entirely  support  themselves, 
marriage  will  not  be  so  widely  regarded  by 
women  as  a  means  of  subsistence.  Women  will 
marry  for  love;  they  will  be  in  a  position  enabling 
them  to  marry  for  this  natural  reason,  instead 
of  for  one  or  another  of  a  score  of  reasons,  such 
as  a  desire  to  be  supported  in  ease  and  idleness, 
or  the  need  of  a  roof,  or  to  escape  from  relatives, 
or  to  avoid  the  reproach  of  old  maidenhood. 

There  has  been  much  discussion  upon  "  free 
love"  during  the  past  thirty  years.  I  cannot 


AND  HOW  TO   MANAGE   HER      61 

now  rehearse  even  a  small  part  of  all  that 
accredited  writers  and  reformers  have  written 
and  uttered  on  this  question.  Free  love  is  for 
those  who  find  any  other  kind  of  love  intoler- 
able, and  I  see  no  reason  why  these  members  of 
the  community  should  be  forced  into  the  Pro- 
custean  bed  of  indissoluble  wedlock.  The  free 
union  has  had  its  trial;  and  we  are  in  a  better 
position  to  judge  of  its  chances  of  success  than 
even  our  grandfathers,  when  Godwin  united 
with  Mary  Wollstonecraft. 

Free  love  in  communal  life  has  not  proved  a 
victory  for  the  advocates  of  the  socialisation  of 
affection.  From  Oneida  Creek  to  various  experi- 
ments in  our  country  the  record  is  invariably  one 
of  failure.  On  the  other  hand,  the  free  unions 
of  isolated  pairs  of  men  and  women  often  prove 
happy.  These  are  simply  conjugal  alliance* 
without  religious  sanction  or  legal  registration. 
It  is  my  own  belief  that  men  and  women  who 
can  be  happy  in  "  free  love  "  of  this  kind  can 
also  find  happiness  in  conventional  marriage. 
But  this  does  not  settle  the  question  as  to  what 
shall  be  done  for  the  polygamous  man  and  the 
polyandous  woman,  who  are  devoid  of  the  con- 
jugal instinct. 

Antagonism  in  marriage  is  often  shown  by 
husbands  and  wives  who  are,  in  their  innermost 


62  MODERN    WOMAN 

hearts,  attached  to  one  another.  It  is  apt  to  be 
displayed,  and  sometimes  in  a  violent  manner, 
by  very  fervent  lovers.  For  a  spell  hate  takes 
the  place  of  love;  the  curse  falls  from  lips  that 
have  clung  in  kisses,  and  the  hand  that  has  often 
soothed  is  raised  in  anger.  What  a  terrible 
transformation!  Such  scenes  upheave  all  the 
foundations  of  our  fine  theories,  and  make  us 
pause,  dismayed  and  shocked. 

A  doctor,  who  has  had  opportunities  for 
studying  human  nature  in  various  quarters  of 
the  globe,  tells  me  that,  according  to  his  own 
observation,  assault  is  quite  common  in  married 
life  in  all  classes  of  society.  We  can  scarcely 
dispute  this  statement.  Hysteria  is  a  wide- 
spread disease  among  modern  men  and  women, 
but  commoner  in  women  than  in  men.  The 
hysterical  woman  is  often  attractive,  mentally 
and  physically;  she  is  sensitive,  affectionate, 
impulsive,  vivacious,  and  variable.  Most  of 
the  saints,  heroines,  martyrs,  artists,  and 
poetesses  who  have  achieved  great  things  have 
been  more  or  less  hysterical.  Many  eminent 
men  have  also  exhibited  symptoms  of  the  hys- 
terical tendency. 

Hysteria  is  by  no  means  an  unmitigated  evil. 
But  in  certain  acute  manifestations  it  leads  to 
"  scenes "  between  lovers  and  husbands  and 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      63 

wives,  and  is  the  cause  of  violent  quarrels, 
physical  violence,  and  even  murderous  assaults, 
especially  when  the  man  as  well  as  the  woman 
is  affected  by  the  loss  of  control  over  the  inhibi- 
tory centres.  Artistic  natures  are  often  highly 
hysterical,  and  in  the  unions  of  the  artistic  we 
have  endless  instances  of  "  domestic  fury."  On 
the  other  hand,  some  of  the  marriages  between 
persons  of  the  artistic  temperament  have  proved 
idylls  of  exalted  and  romantic  love. 

Many  women — perhaps  most — will  tell  you 
that  the  man  who  can,  even  in  passion,  raise  his 
hand  to  a  woman  is  an  "  utter  brute,"  and  that 
"  cruelty  "  of  this  kind  is  unpardonable.  There 
is  no  justification  for  such  a  sweeping  asser- 
tion. Physical  attacks  upon  men  by  women  are 
extremely  common,  and  every  doctor  who  has 
had  hospital  experience  will  confirm  this.  In  a 
large  proportion  of  alleged  cases  of  cruelty  on 
the  part  of  a  husband,  the  wife  is  the  aggressor. 
I  know  a  man  in  a  good  position  in  society  who 
relates  that  he  has  been  bitten,  scratched,  struck 
in  the  face,  and  kicked  by  the  women  he  has 
loved.  Thousands  of  men  could  tell  the  same 
tale.  Among  the  working  class  men  are  often 
taken  to  the  infirmaries  suffering  from  wounds 
inflicted  by  their  wives  in  fits  of  temper.  We 
do  not  hear  of  these  cases,  because  if  a  man 


64  MODERN    WOMAN 

were  to  charge  a  woman  with  assault,  his  evi- 
dence would  be  received  with  jeers,  and  it  is 
probable  that  a  facetious  magistrate  would  advise 
him  to  go  home,  and  not  to  be  a  fool,  etc. 

An  irritable,  excitable,  strong-willed  woman 
will  often  incite  a  man  to  "assault"  her.  A 
dispute  arises,  and  she  flies  into  a  passion,  up- 
braids, cries,  and  denounces  her  husband  in 
stinging  terms.  If  he  goes  from  the  room,  she 
follows  him,  railing  still  louder,  and  annoying 
him  to  the  point  of  madness.  Unless  the  man 
has  colossal  power  of  control,  his  nervous  irrita- 
bility breaks  loose,  and  he  slaps  the  woman  or 
holds  her  wrists,  and  tells  her  not  to  behave  like 
a  child.  The  woman  then  shrieks  that  the  man 
is  a  hooligan  and  a  brute,  and  that  she  does  not 
care  if  all  the  neighbours  know  it.  Very  often 
the  woman  is  the  first  to  strike;  and  it  is  absurd 
to  pretend  that  a  robust  woman,  under  the 
influence  of  anger,  cannot  hurt  or  injure  a  man. 

I  shall  not  be  in  the  least  surprised  if,  after 
reading  this,  many  of  my  critics  accuse  me  of 
deliberately  defending  or  advocating  wife-beat- 
ing. But  I  do  not  intend  to  refrain  from  plain- 
speaking  under  fear  of  misconception.  The 
facts  are  lamentable,  but  they  are  facts  to  be  set 
down  "without  prejudice."  We  hear  terrible 
accusations  of  brutality  and  cruelty  against  men. 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE   HER      65 

We  hear  very  little  of  the  frightful  provocation 
that  men  receive  from  women  before  they  lose 
control.  In  justice  one  must  admit  that  a  nerve- 
tired,  much-tried  woman,  continually  worried 
by  physical  ailments,  a  large  family,  and  a  diffi- 
cult husband  should  have  due  allowance  made 
for  her  explosions  of  wrath.  But  what  of  the 
pampered,  wealthy,  spoiled  women,  whose  irrita- 
bility arises  from  nervous  breakdown  occasioned 
by  luxury  and  ennui?  These  are  to  be  pitied, 
but  not  excused. 

In  the  War  in  Wedlock  many  women  act  with 
deliberate  cruelty,  and  display  the  same  "  brutal " 
impulses  as  men.  "  Hard  words  break  no 
bones,"  it  is  true;  but  biting  tongues  stab  the 
heart,  and  the  effect  of  their  stabs  is  more  lasting 
and  painful  than  blows.  Some  women  indulge 
periodically  in  "  rows "  and  "  scenes."  The 
outbursts  are  sudden  and  violent,  like  an  August 
thunderstorm,  and  the  cause  is  often  difficult  to 
trace.  After  the  tempest  the  woman  is  often 
penitent  and  loving.  At  heart  she  is  a  good 
woman;  and  the  man  who  has  been  abused  or 
beaten  should  take  her  in  his  arms,  and  confess 
that  he  ought  to  have  been  more  patient  and 
tactful. 

It  is  a  Herculean  labour  of  patience  to  manage 
a  dominating,  contentious,  and  obstinate  woman, 


66  MODERN    WOMAN 

Most  men  do  not  attempt  the  task.  A  phleg- 
matic husband  has  neither  the  inclination  nor  the 
energy  for  such  a  stupendous  business.  His 
ideal  is  peace  at  any  price,  and  when  his  wife 
fumes,  he  folds  his  arms  and  listens  in  silence. 
He  will  yield  almost  any  point  in  order  to  secure 
peace.  A  choleric  man,  with  a  masterful  dis- 
position, essays  to  manage  such  a  woman,  and 
occasionally  succeeds.  Most  often  he  fails,  and 
"  scenes  "  arise  with  a  sort  of  rhythmical  recur- 
rence, and  continue  until  death  or  a  mutual 
separation  severs  the  torturing  link. 

A  modern  woman  of  the  contentious  type  is 
often  amenable  to  reason  and  love.  If  she  will 
only  listen  quietly — a  process  that  is  painful  to 
her — you  may  firmly,  rationally,  and  kindly  con- 
vince her  that  she  is  not  always  in  the  right;  that 
you  have  no  desire  to  play  the  bully,  nor  any 
intention  of  allowing  her  to  bully  you;  that  you 
will  compromise  on  certain  points,  but  not  on 
others;  and  that  you  respect  her,  and  gave  the 
fullest  pledge  of  that  respect  when  you  chose 
her  from  among  all  the  women  known  to  you 
as  the  mate  after  your  own  heart.  A  woman 
who  will  not  listen  to  such  a  manifesto  must  be 
endured,  or  dismissed  from  your  life.  Probably 
you  will  be  unable  to  cut  the  knot,  for  even  the 
most  contentious,  fractious,  and  intractable  of 


AND  HOW  TO   MANAGE  HER      67 

women  possess  subtle  and  talismanic  attractions 
for  certain  men.  Nothing  is  left  then  but  to 
suffer  and  be  strong. 

We  are  often  told  that  there  should  be  no  ques- 
tion of  "  management  "  in  marriage.  No  doubt 
there  are  instances  of  husbands  and  wives  whose 
managing  of  one  another  is  so  slight,  or  so 
extremely  tactful,  that  the  process  is  not  apparent. 
But  of  the  mass  of  human  beings  in  wedlock  this 
is  not  so.  There  is  usually  a  predominant 
partner.  No  man  should  feel  ashamed  of  being 
directed  in  most  of  his  affairs  by  a  wise,  loving, 
and  faithful  wife.  But  few  men  can  live  hap- 
pily with  a  female  drill-sergeant. 

To  say  that  there  is  no  managing  in  marriage 
is  to  deny  one  of  the  plainest  facts  of  life.  Most 
women  are  born  managers  of  men.  And  if  men 
want  to  retain  any  of  that  freedom,  which  is  at 
present  their  alleged  exclusive  privilege,  they 
must  learn  how  to  manage  women. 

Let  me  take  horse-breaking  as  an  illustration, 
an  art  in  which  I  have  gained  some  experience. 
A  good  trainer  of  young  horses  should  never 
blunder  in  his  psychology.  He  must  study  his 
colt  as  one  studies  the  idiosyncrasy  of  a  child. 
Some  horses  are  prone  to  sulk;  some  are  given  to 
kicking;  some  are  gentle,  but  obstinate,  some 
are  hot-tempered,  and  so  on.  One  fractious 


68  MODERN    WOMAN 

horse  can  be  cured  by  judicious  severity;  another 
will  be  ruined  by  the  whip.  Broadly  speaking, 
in  the  management  of  men,  women,  children, 
servants  and  animals,  the  whip  should  be  a 
symbol  rather  than  an  instrument.  The  whole 
art  of  control  is  in  psychological  observation  and 
tact.  Brute  force  is  usually,  perhaps  always,  the 
clumsiest  and  least  effective  method.  I  know 
that  force  is  very  English;  but  it  is  nof  argument 
and  it  is  seldom  reasonable. 

I  have  said  that  women  are  born-managers  of 
men.  Naturally,  the  maternal  duties  make 
them  directors  and  disciplinarians.  But  they  are 
mostly  rule-of-thumb  managers,  and  not 
thoughtful  students  of  human  nature,  with  a 
scientific  method.  They  rely  on  force,  just  as 
most  men  rely  on  force;  but  a  woman's  exercise 
of  force  differs  from  a  man's  exercise  of  force. 
A  woman  uses  her  force  largely  through  an 
appeal  to  the  best  that  is  in  man,  and  she  has 
learned  how  to  employ  this  force  with  tyrannous 
effect.  When  a  woman  has  done  wrong,  she 
wins  back  her  ascendancy  over  the  outraged  and 
injured  husband  by  appealing  to  his  protective 
instincts.  She  weeps;  she  uses  rare  art  in  excit- 
ing pity,  and  only  the  callous  can  resist  her. 
You  cannot  trample  on  that  clinging,  trembling, 
sobbing  creature,  whose  tears  wet  your  neck, 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE   HER      69 

and  whose  little  heart  throbs  against  your  bosom. 
You  give  in.  Ignominiously  ?  Yes,  sometimes, 
because  she  is  often  entirely  in  the  wrong,  and 
is  just  an  artful,  naughty,  spoilt  child,  who  is 
determined  that  she  will  win  you  over. 

Even  strong-minded  women  who  indignantly 
repudiate  a  suggestion  of  "  wheedling,"  know 
quite  well  in  their  heart  of  hearts  that  their  final 
appeal  to  the  protective,  cherishing  instinct  of 
a  man  is  a  form  of  wheedling,  an  exercise  of 
force.  Woman's  last  attack  is  always  on  this 
highly  vulnerable  part  of  a  man's  emotional 
being.  There  are  occasions  when  a  man  must 
preserve  a  front  of  steel  to  these  attacks.  To 
yield,  when  instinct  and  conviction  urge  stern 
refusal,  is  to  commit  an  error  that  may  darken 
the  whole  of  life  for  the  man  as  well  as  the 
woman. 

It  is  always  well  for  a  man  to  remember  of 
what  plastic  stuff  he  is  made.  The  fine  delicate 
fingers  of  the  woman  for  whom  he  possesses  an 
infatuation  can  mould  him  into  a  shajpe  that 
he  may  not  be  able  to  recognise  as  his  own 
image.  This  is  why  many  great  men,  with  high 
ambitions  and  ideals,  philosophers,  reformers, 
artists,  statesmen,  and  soldiers  have  remained 
single,  and  avoided  the  risk  of  this  moulding 
at  the  hands  of  women.  Have  not  all  the  great 


70  MODERN    WOMAN 

religious  teachers  recognised  that  the  married 
man's  chief  desire  is  how  he  shall  please  his 
wife  ? 

"Woman  is  essentially  implacable,  like  the 
cat,"  writes  Nietzsche,  "  however  well  she  may 
have  assumed  the  peaceable  demeanour."  Iras- 
cibility, "touchiness,"  and  an  apparent  liking 
for  wordy  combat  are  very  common  womanly 
failings.  The  cause  is  often  physical,  and  con- 
nected with  the  very  complex  sexual  life  of 
woman.  Men  should  be  patient  with  women, 
for  women  suffer  in  bearing  the  race  from  girl- 
hood to  advanced  middle-age. 

On  the  other  hand,  a  show  of  force,  even  a 
touch  of  cruelty,  is  necessary  in  the  management 
of  certain  hysterical  women.  It  is  often  insin- 
cerity that  causes  women  to  accuse  men  of 
roughness.  A  reasonable  amount  of  harshness 
frequently  appeals  to  a  refractory  woman  more 
than  gentle  suasion.  The  men  most  loved  by 
women  are  not  often  the  gentlest  of  men.  The 
female  expects  a  measure  of  roughness  in  the 
male.  But  the  man  who  can  be  rough  must 
also  be  kind  at  heart.  "The  stroke  of  death 
is  as  a  lover's  pinch,  which  hurts  and  is  desired," 
says  Shakespeare's  Cleopatra. 

There  is  plenty  of  evidence  to  prove  that 
women  do  not,  as  a  whole  sex,  resent  judicious 


AND   HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      71 

harshness  in  a  lover.  They  know  well  them- 
selves how  to  inflict  mental  pain  upon  men,  and 
do  not  shrink  from  doing  so.  When  men 
reverse  the  process  a  sensible  woman  is  not  sur- 
prised. She  may  even  be  highly  gratified. 
There  is  a  Russian  proverb,  "  A  dear  one's  blows 
hurt  not  long."  In  parts  of  Hungary  peasant 
women  do  not  believe  that  they  are  loved  until 
their  husbands  give  them  the  first  box  on  the 
ear.  Most  women,  if  they  are  honest,  will 
admit  that  they  like  to  be  subjugated  now  and 
then  by  a  strong  man.  The  breaking  down  of 
a  woman's  natural  instinct  of  resistance  by  a 
vehement  lover  is  a  process  that  few  women 
resist  for  long,  or  afterwards  resent.  Every 
romantic  girl  dreams  of  being  abducted  by 
a  powerful  man,  who  sternly  commands,  but,  at 
the  same  time,  is  ready  to  risk  danger  and  pain 
in  her  protection.  The  universal  role  of  women 
in  courtship  is  that  of  the  pursued,  even  when 
pursuit  is  a  tame  rehearsal  of  actual  marriage  by 
force  and  capture. 

No  man  can  hope  for  success  in  love  or  hap- 
piness in  wedlock  if  he  makes  light  of  the  funda- 
mental needs  of  women,  and  fails  to  study  them 
closely.  W.  S.  Gilbert  is  quite  right : 

Every  Jack   must  study  the   knack 
If  he  wants  to  make  sure  of  his  Jill. 


72  MODERN    WOMAN 

Be  warned,  however,  that  what  will  please 
the  masculine  type  of  woman  will  probably 
affront  the  tender,  feminine  type.  There  is  a 
good  deal  of  luck  in  love;  but  there  is  also  much 
need  for  science.  Love,  like  fly-fishing,  looks 
easy  enough.  You  try  it,  and  find  out  your 
mistake. 

Most  women  are  pleased  and  flattered  by  the 
deference  of  their  husbands,  but  some  women 
much  prefer  a  man  with  robust  asperity.  If 
you  cannot  discover  which  attitude  appeals  to 
the  woman  of  your  choice,  you  are  wanting  in 
discernment.  But,  then,  woman,  with  her 
tendency  to  variability,  often  changes  from  day 
to  day,  and  what  pleases  her  in  the  morning  may 
offend  her  at  night.  Women  certainly  keep  us 
very  busy  studying  to  delight  them,  and  some- 
times all  our  efforts  are  in  vain. 

A  little  coldness,  a  little  neglect,  or  an  excita- 
tion of  the  instinct  of  jealousy  are  often  bene- 
ficial when  a  woman  is  petulant,  fractious,  and 
much  concerned  with  the  fact  that  she  is  a 
woman.  She  will  not  hesitate  to  discipline  you 
by  such  methods,  if  you  fail  in  pleasing  her. 
Therefore,  apply  her  own  tactic.  If  she  still 
cares  for  you,  she  will  change  her  mood  and  come 
to  her  senses,  although  she  may  at  first  make  a 
display  of  sheer  indifference. 


AND   HOW  TO   MANAGE  HER      73 

Be  not  over-kind  when  a  young  wife  sulks 
and  puts  you  into  Coventry.  Let  her  alone  for 
a  while.  Don't  go  up  to  her  in  a  supplicating 
attitude,  unless  you  want  a  stinging  snub.  Go 
to  your  club,  or  take  a  woman  friend  to  the 
theatre. 

It  all  sounds  beautifully  simple! 


CHAPTER   V. 

THE    FEUD    IN    THE     FAMILY. 

MANY  dissensions  arise  in  family  life  between 
the  parents  concerning  the  upbringing  of  chil- 
dren. These  disagreements  are  likely  to  in- 
crease under  the  new  conditions,  because  the 
daughter  in  revolt  is  a  very  wilful  and  resolute 
young  person.  She  is  apt  to  set  both  parents 
at  defiance,  and  to  cause  discord  between  them. 
Under  the  moribund  family  order  the  daughter 
is,  to  a  large  extent,  sacrificed  for  the  advance- 
ment of  the  son  and  for  the  comfort  of  the  father 
and  mother.  A  girl's  vocation  is  marriage,  and 
one  need  not  be  educated  and  highly  trained  for 
domestic  life.  That  has  been  the  basis  of 
parental  control  of  daughters. 

But  the  modern  young  woman  is  changing  all 
that.  She  talks  of  a  life  of  independence;  she 
often  wishes  to  escape  from  the  home,  and  to 
earn  a  living  for  herself;  and  she  scouts  the  idea 
that  marriage  is  the  sole  end  and  aim  of  a 
woman's  life. 

74 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      75 

Among  the  prosperous  middle-class  at  least 
twice  as  much  is  spent  upon  the  education  of 
sons  as  upon  that  of  daughters.  Among  the 
lower  middle-class  there  is  not  much  to  expend 
upon  the  education  of  either  boys  or  girls,  but 
even  in  this  status  the  boys  as  a  rule  have  a  better 
schooling  than  the  girls.  Daughters  are  rebel- 
ling against  this  inequality.  They  demand  the 
same  chances  in  life  as  their  brothers,  and  if  these 
chances  are  denied  them,  they  are  not  unnaturally 
discontented. 

When  men  talk  of  the  intellectual  incapacity 
of  women,  they  usually  lose  sight  of  the  fact 
that  women  have  been  debarred  from  the  exer- 
cise of  their  capacity.  For  a  long  time  to  come 
women  will  have  to  fight  against  the  prejudice 
of  men  in  this  respect ;  and  the  war  will  be  waged 
bitterly  in  the  family  circle.  Even  Nietzsche, 
the  hero  of  a  school  of  young  "  Intellectuals  " 
of  both  sexes,  has  written  monstrous  nonsense 
upon  clever  women  and  woman's  aptitude  for 
learning.  This  demi-god  of  the  intensely- 
diverting  admirers  of  the  doctrines  of  Beyond 
Good  and  Evil,  is  unstinting  in  his  sneers  at 
the  woman  with  brains.  "  When  a  woman  has 
scholarly  inclinations  there  is  generally  some- 
thing wrong  with  her  sexual  nature."  Women 
are  to  be  treated  in  "  Oriental  style";  and  the 


76  MODERN    WOMAN 

men  who  approve  of  sex-equality  are  described 
by  Nietzsche  as  "  masculine  shallowpates." 

Men  have  said  in  all  ages :  "  Woman  is 
stupid;  therefore  do  not  waste  time  in  educating 
her."  And  women,  accepting  the  opinions  of 
men  as  the  line  of  least  resistance,  have  actually 
played  the  part  of  being  stupid  in  order  to  please 
their  fathers,  brothers,  and  husbands.  Nowa- 
days women  are  up  in  arms  against  this  system. 
It  is  high  time  for  rebellion.  But  this  revolt 
does  not  conduce  to  the  peace  of  the  home.  I 
can  point  to  a  score  of  families  wherein  this  feud 
is  raging  at  the  present  time.  Ann  Veronica, 
by  H.  G.  Wells,  is  a  true  picture  of  the  struggle 
that  women  are  making  against  the  absolutism 
of  the  parent. 

The  British  Papa  is  one  of  the  causes  of  this 
warfare.  He  is  paying  for  the  sins  of  his  sex 
and  his  ancestors,  and  one  cannot  help  feeling 
a  little  sorry  for  him.  Worthy  soul,  his  breast 
is  in  a  fearful  flutter!  Maud  has  joined  the 
Suffragettes;  Grace  has  left  home,  and  insists 
upon  earning  a  living  as  typist;  Agnes  is  intel- 
lectual and  "  advanced  " ;  she  is  a  Fabian,  and 
talks  terrible  social  heresies.  Poor  papa  feels 
the  solid  foundation  of  his  villa  at  Balham  heav- 
ing beneath  him,  and  sees  all  his  preconceptions 
of  the  proper  sphere  of  woman  toppling  about 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      77 

his  bald  crown.  Truly,  this  is  a  situation  full 
of  pathos.  It  is  so  old,  so  very  common;  and 
yet  the  papas  of  each  succeeding  generation 
never  grow  used  to  it. 

My  dear  British  Papa,  though  one-half  of  my 
brain  recognises  the  sadness  of  your  position, 
the  other  half  bids  me  rejoice  that  you  are  being 
set  at  defiance.  You  have  had  a  long,  long 
reign  as  domestic  pacha,  and  in  your  crass  unin- 
telligence  you  have  committed  great  wrong. 
You  have  kept  your  womenfolk  under  lock 
and  key;  you  have  discouraged  your  daughters 
from  all  forms  of  self-expression  except  the 
maternal,  and  hindered  the  development  of 
women  in  a  hundred  ways. 

In  this  matter  the  British  Papa  has  been 
assisted  by  his  more  or  less  docile  ally,  the  British 
Mamma.  Woman  has  always  aided  and  abetted 
man  in  the  suppression  of  Woman.  A  woman 
here  and  there  has  tried  to  assert  her  rights  in 
the  face  of  both  masculine  and  feminine  inhibi- 
tions; but  the  bulk  of  women,  living  dependently 
upon  men  for  a  means  of  subsistence,  have  been 
forced  to  obey  the  leadership  of  man.  The 
process  has  given  rise  to  antipathy  between  the 
sexes,  both  overt  and  covert. 

Parents  are  conspirators  against  their  daugh- 
ters' freedom.  They  may  be  unconscious  of 


78  MODERN    WOMAN 

the  conspiracy,  and  their  aim  may  be  the  safe- 
guarding of  the  brood.  Nevertheless,  the 
object  is  to  set  daughters  aside  as  beings  entirely 
different  from  sons,  and  to  rear  them  in  a  system 
of  harem-like  seclusion.  The  knowledge  which 
is  purposely  withheld  from  daughters  is  precisely 
that  knowledge  of  which  they,  as  potential 
mothers  of  the  race,  stand  most  in  need.  The 
tragedies  that  arise  from  the  ignorance  of  women 
are  so  common  that  a  dispassionate  onlooker  is 
moved  to  wonder  whether  the  conventional  up- 
bringing of  the  sex  is  a  fantasy  born  in  the  brains 
of  lunatics.  I  rarely  converse  on  serious  sub- 
jects with  women  without  hearing  a  history  of 
suffering  and  error  directly  traceable  to  the  way 
in  which  they  were  educated  in  the  home  and 
the  school. 

The  Advanced  Daughter,  with  all  her  faults 
of  priggishness  and  a  lack  of  consideration  for 
the  prejudices  of  old-fashioned  parents  and  rela- 
tives, is  a  more  promising  and  altogether  finer 
type  than  the  bread-and-butter  misses  of  the  last 
generation.  She  is  better  fitted  as  the  com- 
panion of  intelligent  men;  she  is  likely  to  bear 
healthier  children,  and  to  train  them  rationally, 
and  she  is  of  greater  service  as  a  citizen.  Her 
rampant  attitude  is  somewhat  repellent,  but  this 
is  inevitable.  She  is  out  on  strike;  her  mood 


AND  HOW  TO   MANAGE   HER      79 

is  defiant,  pugnacious,  assertive.  She  belongs 
to  the  next  age,  and  she  is  a  fanatical  pioneer. 

The  Advanced  Daughter  insists  upon  her 
right  to  a  sound  education.  She  refuses  to 
spend  her  time  in  dressing  and  practising  arts 
for  the  captivation  of  men.  As  soon  as  possible 
she  escapes  from  the  home  environment,  goes 
into  the  world,  lives  in  her  own  flat  or  apart- 
ments, earns  her  living,  seeks  the  company  of 
intellectual  and  serious  men  and  women,  and 
erects  the  standard  of  Liberty.  Her  manner 
with  men  is  apt  to  be  patronising,  and  she  is 
anxious  to  make  men  apprehend  that  she  can  do 
without  them.  She  is,  however,  susceptible  to 
love,  and  when  she  falls  in  love,  she  is  not  half- 
hearted, but  frank  in  her  attachment. 

A  young  woman  who  resolves  to  live  her  own 
life  has  to  pay  the  penalty  of  revolt.  She  will 
suffer  in  breaking  away  from  home-ties  and 
influences,  especially  if  she  is  attached  to  her 
parents.  Her  father  counsels,  commands,  and 
threatens;  her  mother  weeps  upon  her  neck. 
The  Advanced  Daughter  is  deeply  moved;  but 
she  is  resolved,  and  she  goes  her  own  way.  A 
vast  undiscovered  country  is  before  her;  she  is 
led  on  by  a  fascination  partly  made  up  of  fear 
and  partly  of  curiosity. 

When  I  see  these  earnest  maidens  setting  forth 


80  MODERN    WOMAN 

from  Tooting,  with  the  light  of  wonder  in  their 
eyes  and  their  lips  firm-set,  I  am  reminded  of 
Santa  Teresa  wandering  out  of  Avila  to  seek 
persecution  in  the  country  of  the  Moors. 
Voices  from  the  wilderness  lure  them;  great 
vistas  open  before  their  gaze;  and  they  go  out 
to  face  life's  brunts  and  to  taste  its  joys. 

The  Advanced  Daughter  is  nurtured  upon 
Ibsen,  Bernard  Shaw,  Nietzsche,  Graham  Wallas, 
and  Fabian  tracts.  Ideas  are  seething  in  her 
busy  little  brain.  She  is  desperately  intellectual. 
One  day  she  tells  you  that  she  is  prepared  to 
die  for  the  cause  of  Women's  Suffrage.  Next 
week  she  will  be  immersed  in  economics,  or 
vegetarianism,  or  free  love.  She  theorises  in 
season  and  out,  and  sees  the  world  as  a  vast 
theatre  for  her  social  reforms.  Her  untiring 
energy  impels  her  to  meetings,  debates,  lectures, 
classes,  and  gatherings  of  youthful  and  very 
cocksure  "  Intellectuals."  She  absorbs  "  views  " 
as  a  sponge  absorbs  water.  Her  tongue  is  glib 
and  faster  than  her  thoughts,  which  are  often 
inchoate.  She  will  solve  you  half,  at  least,  of 
the  riddles  of  the  universe. 

"I  don't  mean  to  marry,"  she  says,  with  a 
ring  of  disdain.  "  I  want  to  live  my  own  life." 
She  regards  wives  as  "  chattels  "  or  "  squaws." 
She  only  admires  man  "  on  the  intellectual  side," 


AND   HOW  TO   MANAGE  HER      81 

and  she  tries  to  disguise  her  sex-attractions  by 
dressing  dowdily,  neglecting  her  hair,  wearing 
square-toed  boots,  and  assuming  inelegant  poses. 
But  she  contrives,  nevertheless,  to  attract  men 
of  a  certain  type.  Her  admirers  are  something 
like  herself,  and  that  is  why  they  understand 
her  and  know  her  blind  side.  They  are  not  like 
the  clumsy  Philistines  who  treat  her  deferen- 
tially because  of  her  sex. 

The  Advanced  Daughter's  chosen  men-com- 
panions are  the  adroitest  flatterers  in  the  world. 
They  lead  up  to  intimate  topics  by  highly 
intellectual  discussions  upon  Bernard  Shaw,  the 
Court  Theatre,  the  Budget,  and  the  compulsory 
cultivation  of  waste  lands,  in  which  they  permit 
the  Advanced  Daughter  to  roundly  contradict, 
correct,  and  instruct  them.  They  sit  at  the  feet 
of  their  monitress  in  respectful  attention,  and 
artfully  wedge  in  compliments  upon  her  vast 
superiority  to  the  average  woman,  her  intellec- 
tual courage,  her  example  to  the  frivolous  of  her 
sex,  and  her  splendid  unconventional  morality. 

It  is  an  interesting  spectacle,  this  philandering 
of  the  young  "  Intellectuals."  They  would  deny 
that  they  are  making  love;  but  the  whole  ruse 
is  transparent.  The  Advanced  Daughter  pre- 
tends that  she  hates  to  be  admired  for  her  eyes 
or  her  hair;  the  Advanced  Son  knows,  however, 


82  MODERN    WOMAN 

that  sooner  or  later  she  will  resent  this  indiffer- 
ence to  her  physical  charms,  and  he  studies  how 
to  praise  her  person  by  the  intellectual  method. 
Sometimes  a  strong,  healthy  rascal  of  a  wooer 
comes  along,  grips  the  Advanced  Daughter's 
waist,  carries  her  off,  and  utterly  subdues  her 
by  his  animal  force  and  physical  attractions. 
For,  after  all,  the  Advanced  Daughter  is  a 
descendant  of  Eve.  And  as  Kipling  says,  "  The 
colonel's  lady  and  Judy  O'Grady  are  sisters 
under  their  skin." 

The  escape  from  home  life  and  its  trammels 
has  been  made  easier  in  many  large  towns  by 
the  establishment  of  clubs  for  women,  and  clubs 
admitting  both  men  and  women.  These  insti- 
tutions were  unknown  about  thirty  years  ago, 
but  they  are  now  common  in  London.  Their 
influence,  on  the  whole,  has  been  for  good. 
Mixed  clubs  improve  the  manners  of  men,  and 
teach  them  more  about  women;  while  they  tend 
to  dispel  some  of  the  silliness  of  women,  and 
to  break  down  the  sex-barrier.  Scandals  arise 
occasionally,  but  scandals  also  arise  in  nunneries 
and  chapel  congregations. 

Women  now  use  their  clubs  as  men  use  them. 
They  have  their  smoking-rooms;  they  drink 
wine,  and  sometimes  whisky-and-soda.  The 
Advanced  Daughter  is  almost  always  a  club- 


AND  HOW,  TO  MANAGE  HER      83 

woman,  and  some  women  spend  hours  of  every 
day  in  their  clubs.  I  have  not  heard  that  hus- 
bands and  babies  are  neglected  as  a  consequence, 
though  such  instances  may  have  arisen.  At  any 
rate,  mixed  clubs  have  brought  men  and  women 
together  on  an  equal  footing,  and  tended  to 
lessen  the  conventional  segregation  of  the  sexes. 

An  Advanced  Daughter  says :  "  Come  to  my 
club."  You  obey,  and  you  are  entertained  at 
tea  in  the  smoking-room,  and  sometimes 
allowed  to  smoke  a  pipe.  Your  hostess  talks 
cleverly,  if  not  profoundly;  you  feel  at  home — 
far  more  at  home  than  in  a  drawing-room — and 
the  time  passes  pleasantly  and  profitably.  The 
more  of  these  clubs  the  better  for  men  and 
women.  They  will  aid  in  lessening  sex  an- 
tagonism. 

The  clubs  for  women  only  are  not  so  whole- 
some as  the  mixed  clubs.  Whenever  those  of 
the  same  sex  get  together,  some  of  their  less 
pleasing  qualities  manifest  themselves.  Men 
tend  to  a  freedom  and  a  frankness,  which  would 
be  salutary  where  they  decent  and  serious,  while 
women  assembled  together  talk  hypocritically 
and  infect  one  another  with  feminine  morbidities. 

As  part  of  the  management  of  the  Modern 
Woman,  I  advise  fathers  and  husbands  to  en- 
courage their  womenfolk  to  join  a  mixed  club. 


84  MODERN    WOMAN 

A  woman  constantly  mewed  up  in  the  home  be- 
comes narrow  in  her  outlook,  irritable,  and  sub- 
ject to  discontent  and  depression.  The  mass  of 
women  living  in  the  suburbs  and  in  country 
towns  suffer  from  a  want  of  social  intercourse. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

THE     STRIFE    IN    BREADWINNING. 

THE  battle  of  the  sexes,  in  obtaining  the  means  of 
subsistence,  has  assumed  a  menacing  aspect.  Men 
complain  that  they  are  being  ousted  from  profes- 
sions and  trades  by  women,  and  that  women's 
labour  is  lowering  the  standard  of  wages.  "  In  a 
short  time,"  they  say,  "  there  will  be  no  occupa- 
tions left  for  men  except  the  hardest  and 
roughest  kinds  of  toil."  For  a  long  period  men 
jealously  guarded  against  this  encroach  of 
women  into  fields  of  industry,  but  women 
entered  the  fields  one  by  one,  and  now  they  are 
rushing  in  everywhere. 

This  change  is  very  significant.  It  demon- 
strates the  widespread  desire  of  women  to  be- 
come economically  independent  of  men;  and  it 
denotes  that  the  modern  woman  is  by  no  means  a 
degenerate  creature,  but  one  possessed  of  a  high 
degree  of  energy  and  a  great  capacity  for  work. 
Some  of  us  will  remember  the  days  when  a  hun- 
dred forms  of  employment  were  barred  to  women. 
We  can  recall  the  bitter,  even  brutal,  opposition 

85 


86  MODERN    WOMAN 

offered  by  men  to  the  admission  of  women  to 
the  medical  profession.  The  behaviour  of  men 
at  this  time  was  stupid  and  cowardly.  We  shall 
probably  witness  a  repetition  of  this  conduct 
when  women  demand  to  practise  law. 

Why  should  not  women  be  solicitors  and  bar- 
risters? Miss  Christabel  Pankhurst,  a  woman 
of  great  intellectual  ability  and  of  fine  character, 
is  fully  capable  of  holding  her  own  with  any  of 
our  counsels.  The  time  is  coming  when  women 
will  sit  with  men  on  the  judicial  bench.  And 
one  day  our  grandchildren  will  see  a  woman  as 
Premier. 

Women  are  now  employed  in  all  kinds  of 
occupations  that  were  once  closed  to  them.  Those 
who  have  benefited  most  by  the  innovation  are 
the  large  employers  of  labour,  who  offer  wages 
to  women  which  men  would  spurn.  Women 
are  frightfully  sweated  in  almost  every  pro- 
fession and  trade,  and  they  are  only  beginning 
to  realise  that  they  must  combine  for  the  pro- 
tection of  their  interests. 

I  am  entirely  opposed  to  the  view  of  Bebel 
and  his  school  that  woman  should  be  practically 
absolved  from  labour.  Half  of  women's 
troubles  are  due  to  an  insufficient  employment 
of  their  brains  and  hands.  If  more  women 
worked,  many  of  the  problems  of  society  would 
be  solved,  and  women  would  be  healthier  and 


AND  HOW  TO   MANAGE  HER      87 

happier.  The  upper  and  the  rich  middle-class 
women  are  usually  parasites  of  man.  Their  one 
trade  is  to  please  men — a  very  proper  and  Orien- 
tal occupation,  according  to  Nietzsche.  Women 
who  have  other  objects  in  life  besides  "  adorning 
the  home,"  and  increasing  the  population,  rebel 
against  this  view.  Child-bearing  and  rearing  do 
not  absorb  the  whole  of  a  woman's  energies. 
Besides,  many  women  are  unmarried,  and  have 
not  enough  domestic  duties  to  fill  their  lives. 

Many  women  are  quite  capable  of  physical 
toil,  and  they  are  better  in  body  and  mind  when 
using  their  muscles  'han  when  living  in  idleness. 
The  most  beautiful  women  and  the  most  robust 
I  ever  saw  are  the  field-labourers  of  Northern 
Portugal.  One  cannot  travel  in  that  district 
without  gaining  conviction  that  these  women  are 
gayer  in  spirit,  more  healthy  and  well-developed, 
and  more  aesthetic  than  the  fine  ladies  of  Oporto 
and  Lisbon.  I  am  not  defending  the  ill- 
remunerated  labour  of  our  chain-and-nail  makers 
in  merry  England,  but  I  challenge  the  view  that 
woman  is  naturally  unfit  for  muscular  exertion. 

Sex-rivalry  in  breadwinning  must  be  studied 
as  a  phase  of  sex-antagonism.  So  long  as  men 
were  the  sole  breadwinners,  they  owned  the 
sovereign  position  in  the  home.  A  wife  who  is 
wholly  dependent  for  food,  shelter,  and  clothing 


88  MODERN    WOMAN 

upon  the  earnings  of  a  husband  is  a  species 
of  pauper.  Her  sole  asset  is  her  power  of 
attracting  and  holding  the  man  who  provides 
for  her  and  the  children.  Naturally,  the 
Nietzschean  philosophers  would  keep  her  in  this 
more  or  less  splendid  bondage. 

Does  it  not  strike  the  male  opponents  of  the 
employment  of  women  in  business  that,  in  spite 
of  the  seeming  rivalry,  men  are,  in  the  long  run, 
but  little  injured  by  the  competition?  Most 
men  desire  wives,  and  more  men  would  marry 
early  in  life  had  they  the  means  of  supporting  a 
family.  If  women  workers  threaten  to  lessen 
the  number  of  industrial  openings  for  men,  they 
also  bring  grist  to  the  domestic  mill,  and  thus 
the  competition  is  freed  from  one  of  its  chief 
menaces.  Obviously,  a  wife  with  a  trade  costs 
less  to  keep  than  one  who  contributes  nothing 
towards  the  household  expenses. 

The  stage  is  a  profession  that  affords  an  illus- 
tration of  the  economic  equality  of  men  and 
women.  Actors  are  often  married  to  actresses, 
and  both  the  husband  and  the  wife  support 
themselves.  The  system  works  well  enough 
not  only  in  this  profession,  but  in  many  others. 

Men  and  women  who  work  side  by  side  tend 
to  lose  a  part  of  their  natural  antagonism.  It  is 
most  important  that  women  should  be  occupied; 


AND  HOW  TO   MANAGE  HER      89 

otherwise  they  grow  fretful,  depressed,  and 
morbid.  Give  your  wife  plenty  of  work  to  do, 
and  let  this  be  a  rule  in  your  policy  of  manage- 
ment. Not  long  ago  an  elderly  husband  re- 
marked to  me,  "  While  my  wife  was  having 
babies  she  was  quite  contented  and  happy,  and 
found  full  employment.  Now  that  the  children 
have  grown  up,  she  is  capricious,  dissatisfied 
with  life,  and  full  of  worries." 

Women  should  work  hard,  but  care  should  be 
taken  that  they  do  not  overtax  their  strength. 
Men  can  amuse  themselves  with  hobbies  and 
games,  as  I  have  said  before;  but  women  are 
singularly  unresourceful  in  this  matter.  They 
have  only  needlework  to  fall  back  upon  as  an 
occupation  for  long  hours  of  leisure,  and  needle- 
work is  not  a  wholesome  employment.  A 
woman  who  knits  or  crochets  cannot  escape 
from  herself,  as  a  man  does  when  he  plays  at 
golf  or  goes  fly-fishing.  She  thinks  too  much 
about  her  "  soul,"  her  trials,  her  fading  beauty, 
the  defects  of  her  husband,  and  a  host  of 
matters.  Needlework  is  provocative  of 
"  nerves."  This  employment  is  compatible  with 
deep,  serious  introspection,  and  most  women  are 
far  too  introspective  by  nature. 

Encourage  your  wife  to  work  in  a  garden. 

t  her  dig,  and  hoe,  and  use  a  lawn-mower. 


90  MODERN    WOMAN 

Housework  is  very  good  for  women.  I  know 
ladies  who  have  found  themselves  in  much 
better  health  after  dismissing  one  or  all  of  their 
servants,  and  undertaking  the  work  of  the  home. 
The  middle-class  woman  is  apt  to  love  idleness. 
As  a  result  she  grows  bored,  ill-tempered,  and 
hard  to  live  with.  When  a  woman  has  noth- 
ing to  employ  her  mind,  she  becomes  vividly 
conscious  of  the  awful  fact  that  she  is  a  woman. 
If  a  woman  will  not  work,  you  should  en- 
courage her  to  play.  Let  her  join  hockey  and 
tennis  clubs;  teach  her  to  scull,  fence,  box — any- 
thing that  will  develop  her  physical  strength  and 
tone  up  her  nervous  system.  A  want  of 
exercise  is  the  bane  of  many  women,  especially 
in  town  life.  I  never  go  into  the  company  of 
the  average  overfed,  dyspeptic,  neurasthenic 
middle-class  women  without  longing  to  set 
them  to  do  three  hours'  turnip-hoeing  every  day. 
It  is  necessary  to  emphasise  woman's  need  to 
work  and  to  play.  An  idle  wife  is  an  unhealthy 
wife,  and  an  ailing  woman  is  often  very  bad  com- 
pany. The  bicycle  has  proved  a  great  boon  to 
women.  By  all  means  persuade  your  wife  to 
cycle  with  you  as  often  as  possible.  Keep  her 
away  from  "  fancy  needlework "  by  all  the 
means  in  your  power.  Insist  firmly  upon  the 
cold  or  tepid  bath  daily,  and  see  that  she  takes 


AND   HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      91 

brisk  exercise  out  of  doors  in  all  weathers.  Many 
women  are  like  pampered  cats,  they  love  to  lie 
overwarm,  and  they  are  fastidious  in  their  diet. 
If  you  take  such  a  creature  into  your  home,  you 
will  have  an  ill  time  with  "  nerves,"  hysteria, 
mental  depression,  headaches,  various  forms  of 
malaise,  nagging,  and  doctors'  bills. 

In  all  "  civilised  "  countries,  the  struggle  in 
breadwinning  drives  a  large  number  of  women 
into  that  very  ancient  profession  which  we 
scarcely  care  to  name.  The  "  social  evil "  is  a 
flagrant  example  of  the  conflict  of  the  sexes.  Its 
chief  cause,  on  the  authority  of  eminent  Euro- 
pean investigators,  is  the  dependent  position  of 
woman.  There  is  undoubtedly  "  the  courtesan 
type";  but  I  think  that  Lombroso  and  other 
writers  have  over-stated  the  widespread 
tendency  of  women  to  adopt  this  profession 
naturally.  The  source  is  principally  economic. 
My  personal  inquiry  has  been  fairly  wide,  and 
my  conviction  is  that  poverty  is  most  often  the 
dire  inceriive. 

No  very  wide  distinction  can  be  drawn  be- 
tween the  dependent  woman  who,  without  real 
affection,  solves  the  problem  of  her  poverty  by 
marriage,  and  the  woman  who  enters  the  pro- 
fession of  mercenary  polyandry.  Both  are  vic- 
tims; both  ?re  impelled  by  the  same  basic 

G 


92  MODERN    WOMAN 

economic  heed.  Loveless  wedlock  for  subsis- 
tence is  the  fate  of  tens  of  thousands  of  women. 
It  is  a  fate  that  will  not  be  endured  for  ever. 
The  Woman  Movement  is  principally  a  battle 
for  the  economic  equality  of  men  and  women, 
and  when  women  are  economically  free,  only 
the  congenital,  courtesan  types,  and  the  idle 
degenerates  will  sell  themselves  to  men. 

The  women  who  resort  to  this  traffic  may  be 
taken  as  symbols  of  sex-antagonism.  They  are 
outlaws  at  war  with  men,  upon  whom  they 
prey.  Men  say  that  they  are  "  a  necessity  " ;  but 
men  take  the  utmost  care  that  these  necessary 
ministers  to  their  desires  shall  receive  no  social 
recognition  for  their  services.  On  the  contrary, 
the  courtesan  is  doomed  to  live  in  a  state  of 
helotry.  She  is  treated  with  ignominy,  even 
cruelty;  she  is  the  loneliest  woman  in  the  com- 
munity. Women  avoid  her  as  a  pest,  and  men 
are  rarely  her  friends  on  an  equal  basis.  It  was 
different  in  ancient  Greece. 

This  great,  neglected  question,  so  little  under- 
stood by  the  sociologist,  so  scrupulously  avoided 
by  the  average  man  and  woman,  will  engage  the 
most  capable  minds  in  the  society  of  the  future. 
It  is  a  question  of  the  deepest  importance.  That 
is  why  we  shirk  or  obfuscate  it.  The  evil  will 
probably  live,  in  one  form  or  another,  to  the  end 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      93 

of  time;  but  it  will  be  greatly  lessened  when  the 
monetary  dependence  of  women  is  removed.  I 
assure  women  that  one  of  the  soundest  methods 
of  establishing  greater  sexual  purity  is  not 
preaching  chastity,  nor  suppression,  nor  police 
intervention,  nor  rescue  work,  but  the  insistence 
upon  opening  out  employment  for  women  at 
wages  that  will  lift  them  above  want. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

THE    BATTLE    IN    POLITICS. 

THE  Christian  English  gentleman,  reared  in 
the  doctrine  of  St.  Paul  concerning  the  subjec- 
tion of  women,  can  scarcely  imagine  a  state  in 
which  women  are  the  directors  of  legislation,  the 
heads  of  families,  the  dominant  sex.  He  tells 
you  that  such  a  condition  is  unthinkable;  it 
never  has  been,  and  never  will  be.  The  average 
Christian  English  gentleman  is,  however,  not 
addicted  to  deep  reflection  upon  social  problems, 
and  in  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  he  knows  next  to 
nothing  of  the  moral  codes,  manners,  and  mar- 
riage customs  of  other  nations.  His  eye  is  fixed 
upon  England,  and  usually  upon  one  little 
corner  of  it.  He  talks  about  "  thinking 
Imperially."  He  is  anything  but  cosmopolitan 
in  his  outlook  o.i  human  life. 

Men  of  this  parochial  bias  vehemently  oppose 
the  elevation  of  women,  and  fear  the  rule  of 
woman  as  a  final  social  catastrophe.  They  are 
ignorant  of  the  fact  that,  among  many  of  the 

94 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER      95 

most  civilised  of  ancient  races,  the  Matriarchate 
was  the  custom  of  the  country  for  hundreds  of 
year;  and  that  the  headship  of  woman  is  in 
existence  to-day  among  many  peoples  of  the 
earth.  Among  the  Etruscans,  Athenians,  Cam- 
panians,  Arcadians,  Lycians,  and  other  communi- 
ties the  women  were  the  directors.  Men 
assumed  the  names  of  fheir  wives  upon  mar- 
riage; they  yielded  all  their  possessions  to  the 
woman,  asking  only  for  simple  maintenance,  and 
a  decent  burial  at  the  end  of  their  lives.  The 
primitive  Teutons  adopted  the  matriarchal 
system.  To-day  the  custom  survives  in 
Malabar;  among  the  Khassias,  the  Pani  Kotches, 
and  certain  tribes  of  British  India.  My  good 
Christian  English  gentleman,  do  try  to  think 
Imperially  !  These  things  are  done  under  the 
British  flag. 

For  long  ages  paternity  was  regarded  as  of 
small  account.  Physiologically,  it  is  of  quite 
secondary  importance.  Race  and  family  sprang 
from  the  mother,  not  the  father.  The  highly 
intelligent  Nairs  of  Malabar  afford  to-day  an 
example  of  the  modern  Matriarchate.  "No 
people  have  more  fully  appreciated  the  maternal 
family  nor  developed  it  more  logically  than  the 
Nairs,"  writes  Elie  Reclus,  in  Primitive  Folk. 

It    is    curious    to     note     that,     under     the 


96  MODERN    WOMAN 

matriarchal  system,  men  complained,  as  women 
complain  to-day,  of  the  subordinate  position 
they  occupied.  We  find  also  that  men  spoke 
with  formal  deference  to  women,  adopting  the 
kind  of  courtesy  which  survives  among  men 
to-day  towards  women,  but  from  a  different 
motive,  for  it  was  the  deference  of  the  owned 
towards  the  owner.  In  Mexico  we  read  of  a 
father  who  could  not  sell  any  produce,  such  as 
corn,  without  the  consent  of  his  daughter,  who 
kept  house  for  him.  To-day  in  France,  where 
the  mother  has  far  more  authority  than  in  Eng- 
land, we  find  traces  of  the  matriarchal  rule. 

Under  the  patriarchal  system,  woman  lost  her 
superior  position,  and  suffered  also  physically. 
No  longer  expected  to  labour  side  by  side  with 
men,  she  became  less  robust.  Her  worst  state 
of  physical  deterioration  is  seen  in  the  higher 
middle  class  of  Europe  to-day  among  the  corset- 
wearing,  nervous,  dyspeptic  types  that  abound  in 
all  large  cities.  Christianity  is  partly  responsible 
for  the  institution  of  the  modern  patriarchal 
system,  and  under  the  rule  of  men,  the  position 
of  women  became  subordinate,  and  wholly  depen- 
dent. Both  systems  have  their  evils;  but  one  or 
the  other  is  inevitable,  in  spite  of  all  our  dreams 
of  true  equality  of  the  sexes.  The  ascendancy 
of  woman  may  be  the  new  state  into  which  we 


AND  HOW  TO   MANAGE  HER      97 

are  passing.  A  revived  Matriarchate  has 
terrors  for  some  men,  probably  for  the  vast 
majority.  But  I  know  many  thoughtful  men 
who  anticipate  the  change  and  experience  no 
fear. 

Man's  jealousy  of  woman  has  been  fought 
and  overcome  in  many  relations.  Is  it  not  quite 
possible  that  men  in  the  future  will  gladly 
relinquish  all  the  cares  of  office  and  the 
control  of  family  affairs  to  their  women- 
folk? It  is  certainly  not  an  unthinkable  con- 
dition. Women  are  battling  in  the  present 
time  with  a  zeal  and  indomitable  energy  which 
must  make  the  judicious  reflect.  The  Feminist 
Movement  is  not  local  and  sporadic;  it  is  per- 
meating the  Western  Continents,  and  has 
reached  the  countries  of  Islam.  According  to 
Pierre  Loti,  it  has  penetrated  the  Turkish 
harems;  and  a  gentleman  who  has  travelled 
much  in  Turkey  tells  me  that  the  women  of  the 
country  are  in  sympathy  with  the  ideals  of 
advanced  English  women.  Even  in  Spain, 
where  Moorish  traditions  survive,  women  are 
awakening;  and  the  Spanish  woman  once 
aroused  is  the  incarnation  of  revolt.  At  a  great 
industrial  struggle  in  Barcelona,  a  few  years  ago, 
the  strikers  were  led  by  a  girl  of  eighteen,  who 
showed  remarkable  powers  of  organisation  and 
leadership. 


98  MODERN    WOMAN 

It  may  be  urged  that  many  great  thinkers  "have 
been  anti-feminist.  Many  great  minds  believed 
in  astrology,  witchcraft,  magic,  and  other 
exploded  superstitions  and  myths.  On  the 
other  hand,  there  is  a  long  list  of  men  of 
eminent  culture,  from  Plato  and  Tacitus  to  John 
Stuart  Mill,  who  have  pleaded  for  the  recogni- 
tion of  woman's  fitness  for  other  duties  besides 
child-bearing  and  the  management  of  the  house. 
"This  sex,  which  we  keep  in  obscurity  and 
domestic  work,"  writes  Plato,  in  his  Republic, 
"is  it  not  fitted  for  nobler  and  more  elevated 
functions?  Are  there  no  instances  of  courage, 
wisdom,  advance  in  all  the  arts  ? "  Plutarch 
counselled  that  women  should  be  educated 
equally  with  men,  and  claimed  intellectual  and 
moral  equality.  Seneca  was  also  a  feminist. 

And  yet  the  average  man  in  England  is  aghast 
at  the  prospect  of  giving  women  a  Parliamentary 
vote,  while  the  idea  of  extending  legislative 
office  to  women  arouses  his  derision  or  anger. 
Unfortunately,  the  average  Englishman  is  as 
much  astray  in  his  appraisement  of  the  poten- 
tialities of-  women  as  the  two  arch-Philistine 
apostles  of  misogyny,  Schopenhauer  and 
Nietzsche.  The  influence  of  these  two  thinkers 
has  had  baneful  effect  upon  the  judgment  of 
certain  of  the  young  Intellectuals  of  to-day. 


AND  HOW   TO  MANAGE   HER      99 

Schopenhauer's  famous  essay  on  Woman  is 
the  outpouring  of  a  pessimistic  sensualist  who 
had  missed  love.  The  mother  of  the  philo- 
sopher married  without  affection;  she  was 
described  as  "  without  heart  and  soul." 
Schopenhauer  was  never  in  love.  His  amours 
were  those  of  a  specialist  in  sensuality,  and  he 
left  an  account  of  his  erotic  adventures,  which 
were  not  intended  for  publication.  I  yield  to 
none  in  admiration  for  this  genius,  whose 
literary  style  alcne  is  a  continual  joy,  and  whose 
theories  are  of  the  deepest  interest.  But 
Schopenhauer  was  a  sheer  Philistine  in  his 
attitude  towards  women. 

Friedrich  Nietzsche,  a  savage  anti-feminist, 
was  temperamentally  akin  to  Schopenhauer.  He 
knew  but  little  of  women  and  less  of  love. 
Many  of  his  moral  opinions  and  metaphysical 
meanderings  are  very  instructive  and  entertain- 
ing. He  is  not  a  transcendent  thinker,  still  less 
a  god  of  intellect.  Nietzsche  quite  failed  to 
perceive  the  present  evolution  of  women.  His 
views  were  Oriental  and  sensual,  and  concerning 
women  he  expressed  himself  with  brutal 
ignorance.  He  takes  George  Sand  and 
Madame  de  Sta'el  as  the  ideal  emancipated 
women,  set  up  as  models  by  women,  and  knocks 
them  down  as  "  counter  arguments  against 


ioo  MODERN    WOMAN 

feminine  emancipation  and  autonomy."  These 
illustrious  women  were  highly  erratic  geniuses, 
with  all  the  imperfections  and  morbidities  of  the 
male  genius.  They  are  rarely  cited  by  women 
as  ideal  types  of  womanhood. 

"There  is  stupidity  in  this  movement"  (the 
freeing  of  women)  writes  Nietzsche;  "  an  almost 
masculine  stupidity,  of  which  a  well-reared 
woman — who  is  always  a  sensible  woman — 
might  be  heartily  ashamed.  .  .  .  Woman 
must  be  preserved,  cared  for,  protected,  and 
indulged,  like  some  delicate,  strangely  wild,  and 
often  pleasant  domestic  animal."  Men  who 
think  that  woman  is  something  more  than  a 
"  dangerous  cat,"  and  "  a  pleasant  domestic 
animal,"  are  described  by  the  courteous 
metaphysician  as  the  "  idiotic  friends  and 
corrupters  of  woman  amongst  the  learned  asses 
of  the  masculine  sex." 

When  I  want  to  laugh,  I  read  Nietzsche's 
ravings  about  women  in  Beyond  Good  and 
Evil.  His  diatribes  are  as  entertaining  as  the 
utterances  of  certain  Advanced  Daughters,  who 
speak  of  man  as  "  the  enemy,"  and  lay  about 
them  with  a  flail  immediately  "  man  "  appears 
upon  the  stage. 

Balzac,  one  of  the  profoundest  students  of 
the  human  heart,  said :  "  A  woman  that  has 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER     101 

received  a  masculine  education  possesses  the 
most  brilliant  and  fertile  qualities  with  which  to 
secure  the  happiness  of  her  husband  and  her- 
self." But  even  Balzac  was  infected  with  the 
Oriental  feeling  towards  women.  He  forbade 
his  own  nieces  from  reading  his  novels,  with 
the  exception  of  Vrsule  Mirouet,  which  he 
wrote  expressly  for  them — fearing  to  enlighten 
them  upon  life  because  they  were  women. 
Balzac  does  not  lie,  as  do  nine  out  of  ten 
novelists,  about  women's  passions,  and  therein 
he  is  illuminating;  but  he  appears  to  have 
guarded  against  a  broadening  "  masculine  educa- 
tion "  for  the  women  of  his  own  kin. 

Woman  has  been  deified  as  the  Mother  of 
God,  worshipped  as  queen,  revered  as  priestess, 
honoured  as  teacher,  respected  and  protected  for 
her  maternal  function.  Why  should  she  be  de- 
barred from  serving  the  State  as  a  maker  of 
laws  ?  There  is  no  logical  answer  to  this  ques- 
tion. The  reply  of  sex-antagonism  is :  "  She 
would  become  unsexed."  No  man  considers 
himself  unsexed  by  following  the  occupation  of 
a  draper,  a  cook,  a  nurse,  a  tailor,  or  a  confec- 
tioner, employments  which  could  be  well  under- 
taken by  women.  But  every  silly  clown  of  a 
fellow  begins  to  cackle  when  a  cultured  and 
capable  woman  claims  the  right  to  take  part  in 
the  control  of  a  municipality  or  a  state. 


102 

In  the  battle  for  moral,  intellectual,  and 
political  freedom  excesses  have  always  been  com- 
mitted. Emancipation  is  not  won  by  platitudes, 
but  by  vehement  measures,  and  often  by  violent 
revolt.  Women,  smarting  under  a  sense  of 
injustice,  often  exhibit  sex-hostility  in  an 
extreme  form.  The  shallow  onlooker  of  the 
male  sex  declares  that  the  irate  women  on  the 
platform,  and  the  women  who  resort  to 
physical  force,  are  to  be  judged  as  unfit  for  a 
share  in  the  framing  of  the  laws  of  their 
country.  The  modern  woman,  with  a  pas- 
sionate political  bias,  and  the  conviction  that 
she  is  defrauded  of  a  common  human  right, 
is  no  more  ridiculous  in  her  manifestations  of 
dissatisfaction  than  men  under  similar  out- 
breaks. The  most  ridiculous  figure  in  the 
present  war  of  women  for  the  Suffrage  is  the 
grotesquely  implacable  Mr.  Asquith,  whose 
rampant  sex-antagonism  blinds  him  to  a  score 
of  fatal  issues  that  will  arise  through  his  false 
show  of  firmness.  A  tactful  politician  would 
have  received  not  one,  but  half  a  dozen  deputa- 
tions of  Suffragist  women,  on  the  simple  ground 
of  expediency.  Mr.  Asquith,  posing  as  the 
Strong  Man,  is  a  spectacle  to  arouse  Titanic 
laughter.  He  has  done  more  to  injure  the 
Liberal  cause  than  any  politician  of  modern 
times. 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER     103 

I  am  no  advocate  of  rioting  and  disorder. 
But,  in  the  name  of  common  fairness,  how  can 
we  blame  women  for  resorting  to  the  time- 
honoured  custom  of  warfare  when  other 
measures  fail? 

We  pride  ourselves  on  being  a  martial  race, 
and  our  jingoes  insist  that  the  militarist  spirit 
should  be  fostered.  And,  in  a  hundred  in- 
stances, Englishmen  have  gained  their  ends  and 
brought  governments  to  their  knees  by  the 
method  of  mob-compulsion.  A  notable 
example  is  the  Gin  Riots  of  1736,  when  loyal 
Britons  shouted  "  No  gin,  no  king !  "  This 
noble  cause  was  fought  because  the  excise  duty 
on  the  national  nectar  had  been  raised  to  twenty 
shillings  per  gallon.  For  two  years  the  out- 
raged populace  rioted,  and  the  Guards  were 
called  out  to  quell  the  mobs.  Sir  Joseph  Jekyll, 
the  framer  of  the  Bill,  was  threatened  with  his 
life,  and  sixty  soldiers  protected  his  house  from 
the  incensed  people.  These  demonstrations 
and  riotings  were  successful;  the  Gin  Act  was 
repealed,  and  the  public  won  by  means  of 
violent  agitation.  Would  the  gin-drinkers 
have  gained  the  day  if  they  had  relied  upon 
pacific  and  "  constitutional "  methods  ?  I 
believe  not. 

The  Women's  Suffrage  campaign  is,  after  all, 


104  MODERN    WOMAN 

of  quite  as  great  importance  as  cheap  gin  agita- 
tions. For  fifty  years  constitutional  means  have 
been  employed  by  women,  and  for  fifty  years 
men  have  flouted  the  petitioners,  and  deluded 
them  with  specious  promises.  In  the  hour  of 
exasperation,  after  extreme  provocation,  women 
are  using  force.  It  would  be  more  than  can 
be  expected  of  human  nature  if  they  acted 
otherwise.  Has  not  Mr.  Balfour  declared  that 
there  is  a  limit  to  the  patience  of  an  outraged 
public?  In  this  encounter  women  have  shown 
less  antagonism  than  men.  For  half  a  century 
they  have  waited  patiently  for  the  right  to  vote. 
The  lesson  of  the  Suffrage  war  is  that  women 
possess  a  very  remarkable  power  of  organisa- 
tion, an  ingenuity  in  tactic,  a  supreme  zeal,  and 
a  high  degree  of  courage.  Delicately-born, 
refined,  and  cultured  women  have  suffered  gibes, 
insults,  and  imprisonment,  and  even  assault, 
while  men  have  looked  on  complacently,  and 
muttered  the  old  cant  about  "  unsexed  women." 
As  well  endeavour  to  stem  the  tide  of  an  ocean 
as  to  thwart  the  irresistible  workings  of  human 
evolution.  The  times  portend  a  widespread 
uplifting  of  the  status  of  woman.  There  are 
palpable  signs  that  human  evolution  in  the 
Western  nations  is  proceeding  more  rapidly 
among  the  females  than  the  males.  Physically, 


AND   HOW  TO   MANAGE  HER     105 

the  women  are  becoming  stronger  and  taller. 
Intellectually,  they  are  progressing  with  wonder- 
ful speed. 

The  fear  of  petticoat  rule  and  the  intellectual 
superiority  of  women  is  deep-rooted  in  the  breast 
of  man.  But  the  roots  are  slackening  their  hold. 
Men  are  learning  that  a  beautiful  body  is  no 
compensation  for  a  childish  intelligence.  The 
plain,  clever  woman  has  more  magnetism  than 
the  pretty,  foolish  woman.  It  is  quite  true  that 
wise  men  have  often  been  seduced  by  physical 
charms  alone.  Goethe  married  a  doll,  and  soon 
wearied  of  her  society.  Heine  wedded  with  an 
illiterate  working  girl,  and  bitterly  lamented  his 
error  of  judgment.  A  pretty  woman  with  an 
undeveloped  mind  is  far  more  difficult  to  manage 
than  a  less  comely  woman,  with  a  reasoning 
faculty  and  a  knowledge  of  human  nature. 

Woman's  potentiality  remains  undeveloped 
through  neglect,  through  repression,  and 
through  scarcity  of  opportunity.  We  have  so 
mismanaged  women  that  they  have,  in  vast 
masses,  become  curiously  automatic,  fixed  in 
their  ideas  and  views,  and  appallingly  dull- 
witted.  There  is  a  host  of  incredibly  narrow 
and  silly  women  in  England,  an  amorphous  tribe, 
with  scarcely  an  intellectual  trait,  an  aspiration, 
or  an  ideal.  They  "  suckle  fools  and  chronicle 


106  MODERN    WOMAN 

small  beer  " ;  they  live  on  an  animal  plane,  and 
eating,  sleeping,  and  decking  themselves  form 
their  daily  round.  There  are  whole  streets  and 
suburbs  of  such  women. 

It  is  always  more  difficult  for  a  woman  than 
for  a  man  to  escape  from  a  bad  environment. 
Unconventionality  costs  more  to  women  than  to 
men,  because  there  are  a  hundred  social  laws  for 
women  which  men  can  disregard  with  impunity. 
Originality  in  men  is  looked  upon  with  dispas- 
sion  at  least,  and  is  often  admired.  In  women 
originality  is  almost  a  crime.  Harriet  Mar- 
tineau  thrusts  her  manuscripts  under  her  needle- 
work when  callers  come.  It  is  "  unfeminine  " 
for  a  woman  to  write.  Mary  Somerville  is 
forced  to  work  in  secret  because  science  is  not  a 
"womanly"  study.  A  little  girl  romps  like  a 
boy.  She  is  told  that  little  girls  must  not  play 
in  a  natural  manner.  These  inhibitions  could 
be  multiplied  to  any  extent.  Need  we  wonder 
that  girls  grow  up  into  mere  things  of  sex, 
creatures  that  have  lost  almost  all  the  finer  human 
attributes?  And  this  is  the  status,  this  is  the 
upbringing,  advocated  as  proper  for  the  mothers 
of  the  race! 

Let  us  briefly  review  the  opinion  of  modern 
thinkers  upon  woman's  capacities  in  the  fields 
of  politics,  social  work,  and  intellectual  labour. 


107 

Many  years  ago  Burdach  observed  that  women 
are  probably  more  fitted  for  political  responsi- 
bility than  men.  The  same  thought  was  ex- 
pressed by  J.  S.  Mill.  "  Among  all  races  and 
in  all  parts  of  the  world,"  writes  Havelock  Ellis, 
"  women  have  ruled  brilliantly  and  with  perfect 
control  over  even  the  most  fierce  and  turbulent 
hordes.  Among  many  primitive  races  also  all 
the  diplomatic  relations  with  foreign  tribes  are 
in  the  hands  of  women,  and  they  have  some- 
times decided  on  peace  or  war.  The  game  of 
politics  seems  to  develop  many  feminine  quali- 
ties in  those  who  play  at  it,  and  it  may  be  paying 
no  excessive  compliment  to  women  to  admit  the 
justice  of  old  Burdach's  remarks.  Whenever 
their  education  has  been  sufficiently  sound  and 
broad  to  enable  them  to  free  themselves  from 
fads  and  sentimentalities,  women  probably 
possess  in  at  least  as  high  a  degree  as  men  the 
power  of  dealing  with  the  practical  questions  of 
politics.  Professor  G.  L.  Duprat,  in  his  Morals, 
says  :  "  Woman  becomes  more  and  more  capable 
of  work  and  sustained  effort.  The  competition 
of  the  sexes  in  the  studio,  in  teaching,  and  in 
all  the  liberal  professions  is  beginning  to  be  quite 
appreciable.  In  particular  she  brings  into  her 
intellectual  activity  qualities  of  subtlety,  pene- 
tration, and  vivacity,  which,  in  spite  of  a 


io8  MODERN    WOMAN 

generally  well-marked  mental  instability,  make 
her  assistance  in  the  work  of  civilisation  of 
increasing  value." 

M.  Lourbet,  in  Le  Probleme  des  Sexes^  writes, 
"The  apparent  inferiority  of  woman  is  acci- 
dental, provisional,  and  external  in  the  indefinite 
evolution  of  humanity,  this  inferiority  having 
its  principle  in  the  physical  minority." 

On  the  assumption  that  women  who  desire 
emancipation  are  "  masculine,"  Otto  Weininger 
— who  was  anything  but  a  feminist — states : 
"  Men  will  have  to  overcome  their  dislike  for 
masculine  women,  for  that  is  no  more  than  a 
mean  egoism.  If  women  ever  become  mascu- 
line by  becoming  logical  and  ethical,  they  would 
no  longer  be  such  good  material  for  man's  pro- 
jection." 

So  long  as  the  element  described  by  Nietzsche 
as  the  "  abysmal  antagonism  "  exists  in  the  rela- 
tions of  men  and  women,  men  will  strive  to 
hinder  the  intellectual  advance  of  women. 
There  will  be  a  great  struggle  in  the  near  future, 
in  which  sex-jealousy  and  sex-rivalry  will  rankle 
and  manifest  themselves.  In  this  strife  women 
will  almost  lose  temporarily  many  of  their  graces 
and  feminine  attractions,  and  stand  up  as 
doughty  intellectual  Amazons  at  open  war  with 
men. 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER     109 

Do  not  imagine,  O  man,  that  your  long 
supremacy  can  endure  for  ever.  You  will  fare 
ill  in  this  encounter  unless  you  calmly  recognise 
that  the  only  way  to  manage  the  determined 
militant  woman  is  by  arbitration  and  com- 
promise. You  can't  manage  her  with  a  club. 
She  never  was  managed  with  a  club.  Ask  the 
nearest  savage  if  I  am  wrong.  You  have  fostered 
in  woman  an  art  of  cunning  with  which  no  living 
man  can  cope  in  the  long-run.  Even  Mr. 
Asquith  will  be  vanquished  by  the  wily  and  in- 
domitable Suffragettes. 


CHAPTER   VIII. 

CAN    THERE    BE    PEACE  ? 

Is  the  great  Sex  War  interminable?  This  is  a 
question  that  concerns  the  sociologist,  the  re- 
former, the  politician,  and  the  man  in  the  street. 
A  house  divided  against  itself  cannot  stand; 
and  a  state  of  society  with  the  sexes  at  variance, 
divided  in  aims  and  ideals  and  sundered  by  mis- 
understanding, is  insecure.  The  antagonism  in 
love  and  in  family  life  has  now  spread  into  the 
arena  of  commerce  and  industrialism,  and  into 
the  realms  of  politics.  The  "  eternal  feminine  " 
baffles  us.  Woman,  always  a  "  tormenting  joy," 
as  Havelock  Ellis  has  it,  is  one  of  the  chief 
problems  of  the  age. 

As  I  write  this,  we  are  witnessing  a  revolt  in 
Spain,  which  plainly  points  to  the  growing  power 
of  woman  throughout  Europe.  Spain  is  one  of 
the  least  progressive  of  European  countries,  and 
yet  Spanish  women,  in  spite  of  the  Oriental  rule 
which  has  hindered  their  advance  for  centuries, 
are  the  principal  agitators  in  a  rebellion  that 
no 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER     in 

threatens  to  upheave  the  whole  legislative  system 
of  the  nation.  The  women  of  Spain  have  de- 
clared that  their  husbands  and  sons  shall  not 
be  sent  to  the  war.  It  is  an  uprising  of  women, 
and  the  more  remarkable  when  we  realise  that 
thousands  of  Spanish  women  cannot  read  or 
write.  Reflect  upon  what  might  be  achieved 
if  all  the  cultured  women  of  a  nation  united  for 
a  political  end!  No  monarch,  no  parliament, 
no  army  could  withstand  them.  Man's  protec- 
tive instinct  and  his  love  for  woman  forbid  open 
physical  warfare  with  her.  Hence  woman's 
strength  is  largely  her  weakness. 

Peace  within  the  home  and  in  the  State  are 
imperative.  Internecine  strife  is  a  cause  of  in- 
security and  of  reaction  in  either  sphere.  To 
establish  peace,  or,  at  least,  to  lessen  animosity, 
is  essential  to  the  future  well-being  of  the  com- 
munity. This  can  only  be  achieved  by  a  general 
rout  of  all  the  flagrant  misconceptions  of  the 
sexes  regarding  one  another.  Men  must  study 
to  understand  woman,  and  how  to  manage  her. 
Militant  women  must  modify  their  views  upon 
the  injustice,  selfishness,  and  oppressive  tenden- 
cies of  men,  qualities  that  they  tend  to  exag- 
gerate. 

When  the  average  man  discourses  upon 
woman,  he  is  wont  to  affirm  that  Nature  intended 


ii2  MODERN    WOMAN 

her  to  do  this,  or  not  to  do  that,  without  any 
previous  necessary  investigation  in  physiology. 
The  theory,  for  example,  that  women  are  in- 
capable of  intellectual  equality  with  men,  by 
reason  of  their  smaller  brains,  has  now  been 
proved  fallacious  and  worthless.  Brain  size  and 
brain  weight  are  in  proportion  to  bodily  size  and 
weight.  It  is  the  opinion  of  latter-day  physio- 
logists that  the  average  brain  weight  of  women 
is  not  smaller  than  that  of  men,  in  proportion 
to  body  weight.  Many  men  of  action  have  had 
small  brains.  Gambetta  had  a  small  brain.  If 
it  is  a  question  of  "  brain  mass,"  women  are 
better  off  than  men,  for  their  brains  are  relatively 
bigger. 

But  of  what  use  are  our  organs  if  they  are 
neglected  and  atrophied?  The  "worse  than 
South  Sea  isle  taboo  "  that  has  cramped  women's 
intelligence  has  induced  wasting  of  the  brain 
potentiality.  The  stupid  usages  of  costume  and 
the  neglect  of  robust  exercises  have  wasted  and 
deformed  the  physique  of  women.  Many  men 
suppose  that  the  pinched  waists  of  civilised 
women  are  normal  and  natural!  Many  men 
think  that  it  is  natural  for  a  woman  in  health 
to  tire  upon  slight  bodily  exertion. 

The  functional  periodicity  is  often  brought 
forward  as  a  serious  handicap  upon  woman,  and 


AND  HOW  TO   MANAGE  HER     113 

cited  as  a  reason  why  she  is  likely  to  fail,  or 
break  down  recurrently,  in  a  life  devoted  to 
business,  social  affairs,  and  politics.  Disturb- 
ances of  a  physical  and  mental  character  un- 
doubtedly occur  periodically  in  women;  but 
many  of  the  disorders  are  the  result  of  injudi- 
cious living,  a  lack  of  hygienic  knowledge  being 
exceedingly  common  amongst  the  sex. 

Maternity  offers  a  more  serious  bar  to 
woman's  activities  outside  of  the  home.  But 
the  puerperal  period  is  not  the  whole  of  a 
woman's  life,  and  many  women  have  small 
families,  or  remain  childless  all  their  lives. 

Man  sees  woman  through  a  glamour  of  poetry 
and  romance,  and  it  is  well  that  he  does  so,  for 
social  life  is  impossible  without  ideals  and  illu- 
sions. Nor  is  man's  perception  all  fantasy  and 
the  "  unsubstantial  pageant  of  a  dream." 
Woman  is  aesthetically  delightful.  She  has  been 
framed  in  this  wise  by  Nature,  with  a  very 
definite  purpose.  Her  long  silken  hair,  whether 
of  gold  or  sable,  is  a  joy  to  behold.  Her  face 
is  often  beautiful,  and  never  without  its  charm 
for  the  lover;  while  her  body,  with  its  glorious 
curves  and  delicately-textured  flesh,  imbues  a 
man  with  a  sense  of  delight,  and  even  of  wor- 
ship, for  its  superb  grace. 

Woman's  mind  and  soul  are  enchanted  regions 


ii4  MODERN    WOMAN 

into  which  we  love  to  peer  and  enter.  Her 
childish  innocence  calls  for  our  tender  affection, 
and  we  learn  great  lessons  from  her  woman's 
native  philosophy.  She  consoles,  she  heals,  and 
she  inspires  man. 

But  man  has  to  live  in  the  most  intimate  of 
all  human  relations  with  this  being,  whose 
charms  and  whose  virtues  dazzle  and  enthral 
him.  He  is  bound  to  know  more  of  woman 
than  his  senses  convey,  and  he  cannot  always 
remain  love-dazed  and  enraptured.  His  mate 
is  not  always  gracious  and  kind;  her  daily  life 
is  not  always  serene  through  the  exercise  of  her 
sweet  reasonableness.  She  is  often  perverse, 
difficult,  intractable,  spiteful,  unmanageable,  and 
exasperating.  "  Souvent  femme  varie" 

"  Why  do  women  vary  in  this  quick,  perplex- 
ing manner  ?  "  is  a  question  that  every  husband 
asks  himself  sooner  or  later.  This  variability  is 
not  altogether  the  work  of  Satan.  Much  of  it 
is  inevitable,  uncontrollable,  like  the  changes  of 
the  moon.  Accept  this  as  an  axiom,  and  when 
you  are  distraught  by  a  woman's  caprice,  unkind- 
ness,  and  ill-temper,  remember  that  you  also  are 
dominated,  though  in  a  lesser  degree,  by  func- 
tional processes.  Remember  that  a  nervous 
woman  often  acts  like  an  insane  person  when 
over-tired  or  hungry.  A  hungry  woman  is  an 


AND   HOW  TO  MANAGE   HER     115 

angry  woman.  We  have  all  heard  the  prescrip- 
tion, "  Feed  the  brute."  Let  us  never  forget 
that  women  are  quite  as  irascible  as  men  when 
suffering  from  hunger.  Therefore,  "  Feed  the 
darling." 

A  lack  of  control  over  the  temper  in  women 
is  often  associated  with  a  physical  cause,  which 
makes  control  more  than  normally  difficult.  It 
is  well  to  bear  this  in  mind,  and  to  be  prepared 
for  outbursts.  Bad  temper  is  also  a  result  of 
blood  pressure  on  the  brain;  so  that  anything 
which  lessens  that  pressure,  and  draws  the  blood- 
flow  to  other  parts  of  the  body,  is  beneficial. 
Exercise  is  essential  to  the  health  of  most 
women  ;  but  nervous,  excitable  women  fre- 
quently over-exert  themselves  in  walking, 
cycling,  or  tennis.  On  the  other  hand,  a  tur- 
bulent maniac  may  be  quieted  if  he  can  be  in- 
duced to  labour  in  the  fields;  and  a  moderate 
amount  of  physical  activity  is  excellent  for  a 
neuropathic  woman. 

It  is  not  always  sheer  perversity  and  feminity 
that  cause  a  woman  to  blow  hot  and  cold  by 
turn.  This  must  be  understood  by  every  lover 
if  he  wishes  to  manage  his  Jill  with  a  minimum 
of  discord.  If  a  woman  is  unresponsive,  do  not 
persist  in  your  ardour.  The  mood  will  change. 
Bide  your  time.  There  are  mysterious  physio- 
logical laws  controlling  this  matter. 


u6  MODERN    WOMAN 

In  love  men  and  women  should  cry  a  truce 
to  that  fatal  reticence  which  characterises  the 
social  intercourse  of  the  two  sexes.  They 
should  be  frank  and  open;  they  should  learn 
each  other's  secret  and  intimate  thoughts  and 
desires.  It  is  not  enough  to  know  that  a  woman 
is  a  good  domestic  manager,  an  amiable  friend, 
and  the  possessor  of  a  comely  figure.  You  are 
starting  on  a  very  long  journey  alone  with  this 
companion,  and  in  the  first  stages  you  will  learn 
more  of  her  innermost  nature  than  you  can  con- 
ceive during  courtship.  Yet  many  men — per- 
haps most — start  on  their  conjugal  journey 
through  life  with  only  the  haziest  apprehension 
of  the  true,  hidden  emotions  and  desires  of  their 
partners. 

A  community  in  which  the  majority  of  the 
educated  and  forceful  women  are  in  conflict  with 
men  is  in  danger  of  dissolution.  Woman  must 
be  allowed  to  develop  on  her  own  lines,  and 
portents  show  clearly  that  those  lines  are  diverg- 
ing from  the  old  track.  If  woman  is  to  be 
managed  at  all,  she  can  only  be  managed  by 
acceding  to  all  her  reasonable  political  demands 
with  a  good  grace.  Evolution  is  stronger  than 
politicians. 

Woman  has  ruled  in  the  past  in  many  parts 
of  the  world,  and  she  may  rule  again.  Professor 


AND  HOW  TO  MANAGE  HER     117 

Lester  Ward  writes  of  this  consummation  as 
certain.  For  good  or  ill,  women  are  rapidly 
winning  to  a  status  of  social  equality.  The 
Matriarchate  may  follow.  And  the  human  male 
may  be  doomed  to  the  fate  of  the  male  bee  and 
spider.  Who  can  tell? 

I  remember  reading  a  magazine  article  by 
J.  T.  Nisbetj  in  which  he  declared  that  the  nation 
which  heeded  the  counsels  of  its  women  had 
better  put  up  its  shutters  at  once  as  a  dying 
concern.  What  nonsense!  Here  was  a  writer 
of  the  firmest  convictions  who  had  never  been 
to  the  trouble  of  reading  a  few  facts  of  biology 
and  ethnology.  Nations  have  listened,  and  do 
still  listen,  to  the  counsels  of  their  women. 
There  is  not  a  political  pie  in  Europe  without 
women's  fingers  in  it. 

Perfect  equality  is  a  fine  ideal.  We  like  to 
picture  a  partnership  in  business  or  in  marriage, 
wherein  both  partners  devise  and  act  as  equal 
agents.  Is  such  absolute  unity  possible?  I 
fear  that  it  is  only  a  dream  of  perfection.  In  the 
vast  majority  of  human  associations  there  is  a 
head,  a  leader,  a  predominant  partner.  Man  has 
been  the  head  of  the  two  sexes  for  long  ages. 

Woman's  cry  for  equality  is  probably  a  sub- 
conscious demand  for  supremacy.  I  know  that 
women  emphasise  the  fact  that  they  cannot  do 


ii8  MODERN    WOMAN 

without  men,  and  that  they  only  desire  an 
equality  of  rights.  Obviously,  women  cannot 
do  without  men;  but  it  does  not  f6llow  that  they 
will  accept  equality  with  men  as  the  final  goal  of 
their  striving. 

Mary  Wollstonecraft  was  careful  to  point  out 
that  she  did  not  wish  women  to  have  power  over 
men,  "  but  over  themselves."  This  has  been 
reiterated  by  many  militant  modern  women. 
Indeed,  we  are  often  assured  that  woman,  and 
not  man,  is  the  worst  enemy  of  woman.  It  may 
be  that,  in  many  cases,  the  woman  herself  is 
her  own  worst  enemy,  and  that  her  sufferings 
arise  from  within  herself  and  are  only  remotely 
connected  with  external  circumstances. 

The  deep  introspective  tendency  of  woman 
often  becomes  a  tyranny  to  herself.  She  is 
morbidly  addicted  to  taking  her  internal 
machinery  to  pieces,  and  looking  at  it,  until  it 
bewilders  or  frightens  her.  These  are  the 
women  who  talk  constantly  about  themselves, 
their  souls,  their  heart-needs,  their  pent-up 
griefs,  and  their  weird  longings.  They  are 
often  deficient  in  a  sense  of  humour,  and  there- 
fore very  hard  to  manage.  The  type  has  been 
well  studied  by  Van  Eeden,  in  The  Deeps  of 
Deliverance. 

The  failure  of  the  old  civilisations  of  Greece 


AND  HOW  TO   MANAGE  HER     119 

and  Rome  was  largely  due  to  the  wastage  of 
women's  powers.  Education  was  the  privilege 
of  the  courtesan  class  alone.  For  centuries 
women  have  been  educated  only  to  please  the 
opposite  sex.  The  novels  and  essays  of  the 
seventeenth  and  eighteenth  centuries  contain 
fullest  proof  of  this  narrowing  influence. 

"The  education  of  women  should  be  always 
relative  to  that  of  men,"  wrote  Rousseau.  "  To 
please,  to  be  useful  to  us,  to  make  us  love  and 
esteem  them,  to  educate  us  when  young  and 
take  care  of  us  when  grown  up,  to  advise,  to 
console  us,  to  render  our  lives  easy  and  agree- 
able :  these  are  the  duties  of  women  at  all  times, 
and  what  they  should  be  taught  in  their  infancy." 

The  setting  of  woman  on  an  entirely  different 
plane  from  that  occupied  by  man  has  always 
seemed  to  me  a  most  curious  social  phenomenon. 
Women  are  far  more  like  us  in  their  passions, 
moral  outlook,  and  aspirations  than  the  bulk  of 
both  men  and  women  imagine.  That  there  are 
specific  masculine  and  feminine  traits  is  undeni- 
able; but  the  division  has  been  drawn  too  widely, 
and  many  so-called  "feminine  characteristics" 
are  the  products  of  an  unnatural  condition. 

In  our  mismanagement  of  one-half  of  our 
population,  we  have  ignorantly  determined  that 
woman  has  but  one  duty  and  one  function. 


120  MODERN    WOMAN 

What  madness!  We  do  not  rear  our  mares 
simply  to  breed  colts.  We  have  also  other  uses 
for  our  horses  than  as  sires. 

The  way  of  peace  is  through  the  annihilation 
of  the  prejudices  and  preconceptions  to  which 
I  have  frequently  referred  in  these  pages. 

41  Never  shall  peace  and  human  nature  meet 
Till,  free  and  equal,  man  and  woman  greet 
Domestic  peace." 

If  Woman,  after  her  long  subjugation,  were 
suddenly  freed,  and  raised  to  such  power  as  men 
now  possess,  we  might  reasonably  anticipate 
disaster  to  society.  But  there  is  little  fear  of 
such  a  sex  revolution.  The  transformation  of 
woman  will  not  be  sudden,  as  from  the  waving 
of  a  fairy  wand,  but  a  tedious  and  painful  process 
in  which  both  sexes  will  suffer. 

May  the  fates  in  their  mercy  still  leave  us 
Woman,  the  essential  WOMAN,  with  at  least  some 
traces  of  those  gifts  and  attractions  that  we,  as 
sons  of  Adam,  rejoice  in !  May  Destiny  shape 
her  and  us  in  such  fashion  that  we  learn  to  love 
more  and  to  torment  one  another  less. 

THE    END. 

WALTER  WATTS   AND  CO,,   LTD.,   PRINTERS,   LEICESTER. 


EDEN  PHILLPOTTS 


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from  beginning  to  end."  The  North  American. 

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philosophy."  — JEANNETIEL.  GILDER  in  The  Chicago  Tribune. 

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THE    COMPLETE  WORKS 

OF 

WILLIAM   J.   LOCKE 

"LIFE    IS    A    GLORIOUS    THING." — W,    J.    Locke 

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characters  are  worth  knowing. '  * — Baltimore  Sun. 

The  Morals  of  Marcus  Ordeyne  The  Demagogue  and  Lady  Pbayre 

At  the  Gate  of  Samaria  The  Beloved  Vagabond 

A  Study  In  Shadows  The  White  Dove 

Simon  the  Jester  The  Usurper 

Where  Love  Is  Septimus 

Derelicts  Idols 

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Simon  the  Jester 

(Profusely  illustrated  by  James  Montgomery  Flagg) 
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It  is  a  novel  full  of  wit  and  action  and  life.  The  characters  are  all 
out-of-the-ordinary  and  splendidly  depicted;  and  the  end  is  an 
artistic  triumph — a  fitting  climax  for  a  story  that's  full  of  charm 
and  surprise.  *  * — American  Magazine. 

The  Beloved  Vagabond 

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Make  his  acquaintance  some  dreary,  rain-soaked  evening  and  find 
the  vagabond  nerve-thrilling  in  your  own  heart. " 

•—Chicago  Record-Herald. 

Septimus  (Illustrated  by  James  Montgomery  Flagg) 

"Septimus  is  the  joy  of  the  year. " — American  Magazine. 

The  Morals  of  Marcus  Ordeyne 

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tible temptation  to  linger  for  full  enjoyment  by  the  way." — Life. 

Where  Love  Is 

"  One  of  those  unusual  novels  of  which  the  end  is  as  good  as  the 
beginning.  " — Ne<w  York  Globe. 


WILLIAM  J.  LOCKE 
The  Usurper 

"  Contains  the  hall-mark  of  genius  itself.  The  plot  is  masterly  in 
conception,  the  descriptions  are  all  vivid  flashes  from  a  brilliant 
pen.  It  is  impossible  to  read  and  not  marvel  at  the  skilled  work- 
manship and  the  constant  dramatic  intensity  of  the  incident,  situ- 
ations and  climax." —  The  Boston  Herald. 

Derelicts 

"  Mr.  Locke  tells  his  story  in  a  very  true,  a  very  moving,  and  a 
very  noble  book.  If  any  one  can  read  the  last  chapter  with  dry 
eyes  we  shall  be  surprised.  '  Derelicts  '  is  an  impressive,  an  im- 
portant book.  Yvonne  is  a  creation  that  any  artist  might  be  proud 
of."—  The  Daily  Chroniclt. 

Idols 

"  One  of  the  very  few  distinguished  novels  of  this  present  book 

season." — The  Daily  Mail. 

"A  brilliantly  written  and  eminently  readable  book." 

—  The  London  Daily  Telegraph. 

A  Study  in  Shadows 

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struck  many  emotional  chords,  and  struck  them  all  with  a  firm, 
sure  hand.  In  the  relations  between  Katharine  and  Raine  he  had 
a  delicate  problem  to  handle,  and  he  has  handled  it  delicately." 

—  The  Daily  Chronicle. 

The  White  Dove 

44  It  is  an  interesting  story.  The  characters  are  strongly  conceived 
and  vividly  presented,  and  the  dramatic  moments  are  powerfully 
realized." — The  Morning  Post. 

The  Demagogue  and  Lady  Phayre 

"  Think  of  Locke's  clever  books.  Then  think  of  a  book  as  differ* 
ent  from  any  of  these  as  one  can  well  imagine — that  will  be  Mr. 
Locke's  new  book." — New  York  World. 

At  the  Gate  of  Samaria 

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place path  of  conclusion."— Chicago  Record- Herald. 


GILBERT  K.   CHESTERTON 

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ANATOLE  FRANCE 

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CAPTAIN   DESMOND 

BY 

MAUD    DIVER 

Author  of  the  Trilogy  of  East  Indian  Life, — Three  Novels  of 
Anglo-Indian  Army  Life,  as  follows : 

CAPTAIN  DESMOND 
THE  GREAT  AMULET 
CANDLES  IN  THE  WIND 

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London  Morning  Post :  "Vigor  of  characterization  accom- 
panied by  an  admirable  terseness  and  simplicity  of  expres- 
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undying  problem.  Its  bracing  atmosphere  of  sanity  and 
directness  makes  one  better  for  reading  it." 

PaU  Mall  Gazette :  "  A  very  sound  piece  of  work,  which 
introduces  us  to  a  writer  of  ability,  insight  and  observation." 

The  Bookman:  "Mrs.  Diver  not  only  takes  the  reader 
inside  real  Anglo-Indian  life  as  it  is  lived  by  people  who 
have  more  to  do  than  'play  tennis  with  the  ten  command- 
ments,' but  invests  the  complications  of  marriage  with  pro- 
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together,  is  the  theme  of  her  story,  and  we  could  not  wish  a 
healthier  or  more  original  study  of  the  problem.  It  is  a 
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vitality." 

The  Athen&um :  "  Mrs.  Diver  excels  in  representing  the 
better  side  of  Anglo-Indian  life,  in  bringing  vividly  before 
us  its  strenuousness,  self-sacrifice  and  loyalty.  .  .  Such 
wide  issues  as  Frontier  warfare,  cholera  camps  and  Hima- 
layan exploration  play  a  large  part  in  the  action,  and  are 
handled  with  sympathy  and  power." 


THE  GREAT  AMULET 

By  MAUD  DIVER 

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The  Times:  "Mrs.  Diver  has  had  opportunities  for  studying  the 
strong,  silent  man  of  action  at  close  quarters,  and  has  all  an  artist's 
admiration  for  the  type.  Her  hero  is  alive,  individual,  interesting. 
The  scene  is  once  more  the  Punjab  and  the  Frontier,  and  some  of  the 
characters  in  Mrs.  Diver's  previous  novel,  "Capt.  Desmond,  V.C.,"  ap- 
pear again.  ...  A  powerful,  interesting  book,  which  strikes  the 
reader  as  sincere  and  actual." 

The  Outlook:  "A  very  fine  and  vital  piece  of  work.  Mrs.  Diver 
knows  her  Indian  life  to  the  heart,  and  has  a  rare  gift  of  conveying  a 
sense  of  it  to  the  reader,  alike  in  its  everyday  duties  and  its  moments 
of  exalted  heroism.  Specially  noteworthy  is  her  dealing  with  the  loyal, 
inarticulate  comradeship  of  men;  her  book  is  a  book  of  friendship. 
After  so  many  cynical  studies  of  Anglo-Indian  life,  it  is  no  small  plea- 
sure to  come  on  so  gallant  and  true-hearted  a  story,  one  which  depicts 
the  nobler  side  of  men  and  women  doing  England's  work  on  the  bor- 
ders of  her  Empire." 

Pall  Mall  Gasette:  "An  Anglo-Indian  study  which  not  only  gives 
no  place  to  society  scandal,  but  also  presents,  unostentatiously,  the 
most  inspiring  aspect  of  Empire-building.  In  her  many-sided  descrip- 
tions of  the  natural  beauties  of  India,  and  in  her  presentation  of  Indian 
frontier  life  Mrs.  Diver  has  few  equals  among  contemporary  writers. 
But  the  central  merit  of  The  Great  Amulet  lies  in  skilful  characteriza- 
tion. Quita  Mautice,  a  remarkable  and  complex  personality,  is  abso- 
lutely true  to  life ;  the  virtues  and  failings  of  her  rare  kind  present  a 
portrait  unerring  in  every  respect.  Lenox,  also  an  unusual  individual, 
approximates  closely  to  one  man's  picture  of  another.  Hardly  one 
touch  suggests  the  woman's  hand." 

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fluous. She  is  always  enthusiastic,  and  can  always  hold  the  attention 
from  beginning  to  end." 


An  American  Love-Story 

MARGARITA'S  SOUL 

BY 

JOSEPHINE  DASKAM  BACON 

[INQRAHAM  LOVELL] 

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Williams.     Also  Whistler  Butterfly  Decorations. 

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humor.**  — Boston  Transcript. 

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of  the  situation.  .  .  We  should  be  hard  put  to  it  to  name  a 
better  American  novel  of  the  month."  — The  Outlook. 


M.  P.  WILLCOCKS 

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study  of  certain  social  tendencies  of  to-day  and  possibly  to-morrow. 

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